Fewer Fucks. Better Life

Somewhere along the way, we started running out of fucks to give—and honestly, it’s kind of freeing. This week, we’re talking about caring less about what people think, how we look, saying the “right” thing, and all the other stuff that used to take up way too much space in our heads. Maybe getting older isn’t about caring less—it’s about finally figuring out what’s actually worth caring about.

The Weekly Unravel is a podcast about motherhood, midlife, perimenopause, and everything in between. Join friends Heather and Sarah as they navigate life’s twists and turns with tea, humor, honesty, and absolutely no expertise.

Follow the show so you never miss an episode, and connect with us on Instagram @theweeklyunravelpodcast.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the weekly unravel, where we talk about life, motherhood, and midlife out loud with tea and humor and zero expertise. Hey Heather. Hi, how's it going? Uh it's going. It's going. It's still summer. It's still summer. And you know what's great, Heather? Tell me. A summer hangover. Oh, you're gonna start. Tell me. Highs and lows. Oh, highs and low stuff in Hangover. That actually counts as both. Oh my gosh. The high that leads to the low. The high that leads leads to the low. Um, yeah, so I I had some friends over last night. We have like this cool little group that organically formed itself. My kids do baseball, they do little league. And um, so there they have their little like baseball pals. And by some kind twist of luck, fate, whatever, they have really cool parents. Oh, that's so good. So we have like this little, yeah, we have like this fond little circle, like we call them the crew. So last night we had some of the crew over. Um, and I had some wine with my very favorite wine moms. And um, yeah. It was great though. It was a high. Definitely like a high just to be encircled by people that like I love and love my kids and the kids. The kids had such a good night. Like nobody fought. There was like no arguing. I love that. And one of their friends actually just recently had a pretty serious injury at his, I don't know if I mentioned at his camp. He hit his head, he had like a major concussion. So he's just been cleared to kind of start like reintegrating to the world. That's good. But we had to talk to all the boys and be like, no Ralph Housing, you have to take care of him. And they were so protective and tender and sweet, and it was just like That's so nice. Like, okay, I the the lessons are getting in there, the empathy, the caring for others, like it's working. Um, but also that they just have a group that they love that they really care about was like that. Was a win, that was a good, that was high. My low, I just my brain is off. Like my this summer, so like my normal schedule's not there. And I'm like, I don't know where I am, I don't know where I need to be. Like, I'm over I'm booking appointments on top of appointments for like for myself, for my kids. Like, I scheduled yesterday's event completely forgetting that they had music lessons. So I had to like cancel, like, and my husband was so annoyed because music is like very important to him. So when I had to sit him down and say, honey, I have to tell you something that's really gonna be annoying to you, but it's just you're gonna have to accept it. And he's like, What is it? I'm like, Well, I need you to cancel the kids' music lesson. What do you mean? I'm like, Well, we're having people over. Why? Well, because I invited them over. Why? Because I forgot that music lessons were even a thing because it's summer and we're everywhere. Um, so that's been my low, like I had to like sit down with my my because I'm a hundred, I have like a wall calendar. I take my wall calendar off, we'll sit down with it and start like making phone calls of like, what do I have to cancel? What do I have to move? What did I double book? So I and I was definitely procrastinating on that. It was giving me anxiety. So then I just wasn't doing the thing, but yeah, I did it. But that was my rambling law. Okay, so high and low. High and low. High and low. How about you, hon? Um, I feel like I have a couple of highs I want to share. Tell me. First one, because I we're we're recording this like a week and a half after the last one that we recorded. I have to update people, but I did get my period because I forgot that I even talked about that. And I had a friend reach out and go, so did you get your period? And I was like, oh, right, I'd have to update everyone on the the progesterone estround situation. So quick update on that. I stopped taking the progesterone. I actually then decided I spoke to my doctor and I decided I'm taking I'm going off of everything. It's not a big deal. I'm like, I'm going off of everything until I bleed because I'm so so uncomfortable. Like, I don't know what's going on. Right. And so I went off of everything. It took six days, and then I got my period. Okay. It was all very, very annoying. But in that, I also realized that I want to go on a half dose. I'm halving my dose of estrogen and progesterone because it just felt like the progesterone was too much. They recommended another progesterone that's more synthetic. I'm like, I don't want to do that. I just clearly it my body is telling me I don't need all of this right now. And maybe in five years when I'm like going, I'm like in menopause, then I will, or maybe a year. But right now, it just felt like too much. So I decided to half the dose and I just feel better. Good. So that's good. I haven't read that. But I finally bled, and oh my god, we had a good day. So that's a quick update on that. So I like isn't it weird that you can reach a phase of life when you're excited about your period? Like so happy. Like, let's get on with life now, is what I felt. Like it was just a folding pattern. So, similar high to you. We have this really great group of friends from my kids' school, and we did it last year, and we just did it again. We have a camp out at our house. That's so fun. So much fun. So we have, I think it was four families. Um, and everyone comes for the night. They bring tents, we set them all up in the backyard. We order pizza, people bring snacks, the kids play, run around, play some video games, do whatever kids do. Um, and then we make s'mores at night. So much fun. The adults played games, which is so much fun. So the adults are having a good time. The kids are running around doing their thing. And at one point, I saw my son come over. He's like, What are you guys doing? Why are you laughing so much and like singing? Like, we're having fun, we're playing a game. The adults got to actually have so much fun. Not for me. So all the adults really get along, all the kids really get along, and it was it was just like a great community, great little great vibe. And then we wake up in the morning, and everyone, all the kids, you know, get up early and we have bagels and everyone leaves at like 10 a.m. It's so much fun. So fun. I love it, and I'm so happy that we have this group that all gets along kids, adults, the whole thing. Yeah. So that's that's a big high. Um my other high is that I've been getting new Alexander Technique students this summer. And I I have had three new students in the last like two weeks, I think, which is crazy. I this happened last summer that I got new students. I don't know why it's in the summer. I have less time to teach in the summer. Right. It's stressing me out, which is a little bit of a low because I don't have all the time, but I'm not saying no to new Alexander Technique students because I that's what I want to be doing.

SPEAKER_01 6:24

Right.

SPEAKER_00 6:24

If I have a new Pilates person that wants to come, I know it's saying no now. Like that's I don't have more room for that, but I want the Alexander Technique people. So I get so excited when they come and it's been great and I'm happy, but I'm so freaking exhausted because I don't actually have time. They're only in camp for a certain amount of hours, and it's just I don't have a lot of time. So I'm not having a lot of free time right now. So leading into my my low is just I'm I'm exhausted. There's also like other emotional stuff going on in my life, and that is a lot to sort through and take on. So, like I was crying this morning, but like I gotta wipe the tears and seem fine so that I can just like get up and be okay for the kids and be present. And they've seen me upset, and I don't hide from them if I'm upset. But if possible, I they don't need to see that every time it happens, and I'm just gonna get on with it. But it takes so much mental and emotional energy to just pick yourself up and put on a face and do the things and be the parent that I uh try to be. Yeah. So there's been a bit of that lately, and it's exhausting, and I'm tired, and I don't really want the summer to end because I don't want the nice weather to go away, but I I I need the fall schedule. Right. Like I need the month of September to be longer because September they're in school and it still feels sorry. Right. That you know, so I have one month where I will get to enjoy that. But it's like I need the fall schedule so that I can work and find time for all the things. So anyway, well, let's get into our channel. Here we are. We're making we're making it. And yeah, go ahead. So today we're talking about all the fucks that we don't have anymore to give to things. So like we're out of fucks to give to lots and lots of things. So many things. So with that, we're gonna talk about all the things we have zero fucks for now. But keeping in mind that we're giving these zero fucks for many, many things because we're making space to prioritize what is actually important. So we're not, you know, being assholes about this. We're just like, there's a lot of stuff we don't give a shit about anymore in a really good, positive, healthy way, and we're gonna talk about that. They're we're saving our fucks for the big fucks. Exactly. Yeah, like lots of little things that we just cannot give our fucks to. Yeah. So are there any small things, not the big set, are there any small things that you give zero fucks about? Like for me, it's like people are coming over, my house is not that clean. I just I just don't give a fuck. Like, I don't care. They know if they're my friends and they know me, like come over, see the mess. I don't give a fuck. I I don't have to be energy for that. And I think for me now it's like a test. Like, if if like if there's a new person and I invite you to my house and you're judging my clutter, or anyway, then yeah, fuck you, you're plugging my house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, let's see, other things like I mean, I still want to look presentable in life, but I and this will go into like a deeper bond that I will I want to talk about a little bit later, but like I don't like I don't have cute shoes, I don't have like I just I'm not wearing makeup, but I never wear makeup. Like I sometimes I don't look in the mirror. I just don't even look in the mirror and then go about my day and I just don't give a fuck. That's a wonderful feeling. So and sometimes I'm like, I think it would be nice to take time to look in the mirror and like do something, yeah, but like from a place where I want to, but not because I give a fuck that I'm like going in the world and I don't care how I don't care if people look at me and have a feeling about how I don't give a fuck. Right. Like I don't the the the feeling that like I owe someone prettiness or yeah palatability. Yeah. Um how about you? Do you have any little fucks that you don't have anymore? Little fuck about uh my car being a mess at all times. Yes. I used to like really stress it and be like vacuuming it every weekend. Now I'm just like, okay, no backseat is the snack bar. If there's crumbs and they live there and it's fine. Um, so that's one of my that's it, that's a tiny fuck that I have free into the wild. Um I I used to get like really bent, like I would forget to text people back. Oh yeah. And then like I feel like, oh now I can't text them because I'm an ass. Like, I don't like I'll get back to you when I get back to you. Like I, you know, and I and I will do it, and it's not that I don't care, but I'm just I'm not gonna be able to do that. There's that like me like the anxiety, the stress of like feeling like the phone has to rule my life just because there's so much connectivity that like owning my own time and like yeah, yeah. Should we talk about some bigger fucks? Let's talk about the bigger fucks. So I'll start. Um, I definitely give less of a fuck about what people think about me. And that has taken a long time for me to get to it. I know we've talked about this a little bit before, but it feels like a big shift for me because I've always wanted to not care. And I read books about them caring at some point. I did. I picked up a book, how to how to not give a shit what people think about it. That might actually be the name for that. It's so funny how like you could intellectualize things, but you just you can't force the internalization like until you get there. Just had to you get there when you get there. And I just I don't, I'm not, I'm not, I don't completely not care. I think I care like enough right now. I care a little bit. I care about what people close to me think about me. I care about people I love think about me. Right. I don't care what random people think about me. I don't care what like the random mom at the park thinks about me. I don't care what an acquaintance really thinks. I just don't care what your opinion of me is. It doesn't mean that I care if I'm an asshole or not. I care about being a good person always. Right. I care about living in integrity. I just don't care what you think about me. So a great example is this podcast. So we are putting a lot out there. And what's been so nice is I'm putting it out there and then I just let it go out there and I don't care. Right. I don't know who's listening. I know some people that are listening. Right. And sometimes I'll get texts from people and they'll say, like, oh, I didn't know this thing happened, or or oh, I did that's so funny, or like asking if I got my period, or commenting on different things. Um and and some one friend said, like, Am I the friend that you were talking about that did this that like got the Botox or whatever? And I was like, actually, it was another friend. But then I was like, I remember, oh, people are listening. Right. And and it's just fun to put it out there and not care. And then on a deeper level, there's also some things I've put out there that um like a person or two reached out and was like, didn't they had feelings about some things that I said and they were not super positive feelings. Yes. And I had a conversation with that person. There were two different people, different instances. So I had conversations with both of those people. And what I realized at the end of the conversation is that that would have made me really anxious in the past, and it would have maybe triggered me or made me think about doing something different, or or it just would have upset me a lot. And I realized like I'm in I'm in integrity here. I am like speaking something that's truthful for me. And if that person doesn't agree with something that I'm saying, or doesn't like me, or doesn't like this one thing, or doesn't whatever, I don't care. And what's so nice after that those conversations was like, holy shit, I feel totally fine. It's such a big sigh of relief to just not give a fuck about how X, Y, and Z think about how I'm living my life or or what my truth is in this situation or whatever. It was so nice. That's a big fuck not to give. That's a huge fuck not to give it to you. That used to take up so much of my time and energy, right, thinking about that stuff and like interactions with people that maybe did I say this wrong, or what did I, you know, all that. Well, and I think for for both of us being somewhat anxious in terms of people, this what we're doing here right now is a big releasing of thoughts. Like I think this would have been such a scary thing for both of us to do. We'd never have done this three or four years ago. And like, and to put this stuff out there and be like, people are gonna be hearing us, they're gonna be judging what we're saying, they're gonna have thoughts about what we're saying. Maybe we're gonna get close to talking about a person or a topic that is gonna make some people personally offended or angry. And you know what? Oh well. It's not hard to start a podcast. If you don't like what we have to say, start yourself. Or just don't listen. Don't listen. Yeah, that's yeah. So I think that's a big that was a like this is a big, yeah. We wouldn't be here today if we were still carrying around all those burdens. That's been a big shift for you in the last couple years, yeah. Do you know why it shifted? Because I don't want to go why it's I struggle with being perceived, if that makes sense. Like I just kind of always want to blend into the back. I don't want you to know like what I'm thinking, what I'm doing, because I'm always so afraid that I'm weird. Yeah, because I am a little weird. Yeah. So, uh, but I think I don't care no. I think I'm just like embracing that because like my big fuck release is like expectations, other people's expectations, like things that I have done. I realize that there have been several big choices in my life that I made based on other people's expectations, and I don't love those choices. And um, so I'm not gonna do that anymore because fuck that. So I'm like really just focused on letting that go and feeling kind of happy and free and like come what may, because doing it the other way didn't make me happy. Yeah. So let's try the opposite. I I'm on board. Yeah. Um, okay, so another one, and this is about similar, like what people think of me, how I am in the world. So I remember I lived in the city years ago in my 20s. I remember walking, I walked down this same street like two weeks ago, which made me really reflect on this. So I was walking down the street and I was thinking, I remember walking down the street in my 20s, and again, I was the same. I like I never did my makeup, I didn't have my hair. I like it, I was wearing my yoga pants, like I dressed the same as I do now. But maybe I was like 15 pounds thinner, maybe I was just had a youthful glow, you know, and I remember walking down the street, everything's like in the right place. It's got firm and beautiful. And I remember like guys like turning their heads at me or whatever. And I was and I remember thinking, like, that happens now because I'm just I'm not making an effort. I'm just like young, living my life. And I realized in that moment, I was like, that's not gonna happen one day. Like, right now I don't do anything. Yeah, and that is not gonna happen one day. And so I was walking down, and then I just kind of let that thought go. I was like, I'll deal with that in 20 years. And then here I am 20 years later, and I was walking down that same street, and I was like, I remember having that thought, and here I am now, 20 years later, and I don't give a shit because I thought as that 20 or something year old that I was really gonna care. Like it would be devastating to not feel that way walking down the street. And I just do not give a shit now. And it was it's such a freeing feeling because here I am, I've landed here. And yes, I still want all the presentable and I work out and I do think, but I do that for me. Right. I don't do that so that I can walk down the street and someone can turn their head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it just feels so freeing to just not give a fuck. I mean that goes along with like wearing whatever and not looking in the mirror, but on a deeper level, yeah, like I that used to consume me. Right. It used to re I used to really care about looking a certain way and people noticed me and all that. And I just I don't yeah, I don't have energy for that crap. Yeah, and it's so nice. Nice because I will now notice like beautiful women in their 20s and like just like they don't have to do anything, they're just beautiful, and it's like watching a butterfly, right? But you know, like there's the life cycle, and and you're having your butterfly moment, and that's beautiful. And fly, my butterfly. And that's it's their turn. I had my turn. I got to fly, I got to be the butterfly. Yeah, and now I don't know, maybe I've reverted back to a grudgy old caterpillar. But it's cool because that's how it's meant, that's how it's meant to be. And I feel very um protective of those girls who are in that, you know, because there's a vulnerability that comes in that yeah, season of life. They care a lot. They care a lot and they have a lot of they think about it a lot, most likely, yeah. Yeah. So it's not like an easy time. No, not at not at all. And like I wouldn't trade back. Oh god, no. I wouldn't trade back. Like I I'm a lot freer now and bothered. Like, yeah, oh gosh, I remember one time in my 20s, I was in a gas station, like picking up beer to go to a party, and I hear like this guy behind me, like, and I'm like, oh god, like this guy's got like a cold, or like what's wrong with this person? I'm like, try to like shuffle away. I go to the checkout, turn around, like, let me get out of here. And the guy's like in my face, and he goes, Oh my god, you smell delicious. But that doesn't happen now. And I think we still smell the same. There are some benefits, there's definitely some benefits. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'll I will be thinking about it. Like, yeah, creepy stuff. There's a lot of creepy stuff. Yeah, there's a lot that comes along with this. Yeah, yeah. All right. How about you? Do you have any other big thus to throw out the window? Like my my biggest one was the release of of expectation. For sure. That was like a big one. Um, another one is uh judgment of others when it in regards to my motherhood. Like what people think about your parents. What people think about my parenting. And I didn't realize that I wasn't having this until I was having a conversation with my neighbor. They're they're younger, they had their kids younger. Um, and I know that the wife, she carries the stress all the time. I like it's in nuts. And like we have conversations, and and she's lovely, but she's always very she's 10, she carries that tension, and it's very real to her. Um, and I was having a conversation with her husband, and we were just talking about the stress of the kids, and uh, and that's when it clicked for me. I was like, oh, I'm like, you know what? Like, I had my kids like 10 years later than you guys did. And like, I gotta be honest with you, I don't really give a fuck. Like, if you're not paying my mortgage, have all the thoughts you want, they're not my problem. Like, so that was like a nice realization. And like I had to, like, before we were doing this episode, because it's not like you have like usually these like eureka moments, like the the fucks gradually fall away and like or gradually get smaller. So, like, I did have to like before this kind of like sit back and reflect of like what what is gone that sometimes you don't notice. And it's nice when you sit down and you're like, oh yeah, that does it. Right, this is I don't feel that way anymore. Yeah. So I I went for inspiration trolling on Reddit, and one of the comments somebody left there was not caring about being right. And I think that's a big one too. Like not wasting energy arguing. Right. It's your energy that you're arguing with. It depends on who you're arguing with. Listen, are we arguing a fact? Like if you're gonna present me some new information, I'll hear that and integrate it. If you're arguing nonsense, then you're arguing nonsense. I have nothing to say. If you're arguing my feeling, that's inarguable. It's how I feel. It can't be right or wrong. Yeah, it is what it is. So why am I gonna fight with somebody about it? So yeah, that's kind of nice. I used to engage in lots of like the Facebook arguments of really four or five years ago. Yeah, although COVID time, but else are we doing right? That's what we're all angry. Right. Like I was really in that. And then in the last like two years, I've gotten in maybe one or two, maybe three like Facebook tense whatever's. I've just stopped that completely. And it's so free. I just don't care. So healthy. So silly right now. Yeah. Why would I spend any time doing that? That's ridiculous. You've got your ideas, I've got mine, I'm not gonna change yours. Yours, I may have some strong feelings about them, but it's not gonna do me any good to start engaging and now the stress it caused me, also because then I would think about it, I would go back to it, and I was worried, and then I would worry what did this person think about me, that blah blah blah blah blah. Of course. On and on. And I I'm I've we're I go nowhere near that now. And so nice. That's like much healthier. That's so great. It stays a healthier adjustment. I love it. It's fantastic. Okay, so let's talk about maybe what things we are giving a fuck on. Why do I care about more? Like, what do we? What are we spending our time caring about? Because we have so much less fucks to give about all that crap. Yeah. You know? Like for me, it's like my sleep. Oh, that's my peace of mind. I mean, I always wanted that, but I just wasn't really getting it so much before. But now I'm like, protect that. Um, close friendships. So, like instead of caring about the random people or like trying, what do they think about me? Blah, blah, blah. It's like really spending my time building the friendships that I have and maybe cultivating close friendships that are like on their way there. Yes. So, like, if you spend time there, there's no time for other crap. And I think too, like releasing the friendships that feel like obligation. Oh. Right? That like sometimes it's like we're just not in the same place anymore. Yeah. And like, I can't we can't fake it. Yeah. Because, like you said, you want to put the energy and the time because we don't have time into really nurturing what works. I'm prioritizing like finding moments of joy or or like even watching things that make me happy. Yes. Whereas even on social media before, that's not what I was doing on social media. Yeah. Now if I go on, I'll like go on Instagram, because I'm like a musical theater nerd, I'll like watch clips of musical theater that make me happy. Or I will, I don't know, watch something funny, or like bloopers, or like I'm just trying to find things that bring me a little bit of joy if I'm gonna go on my phone and prioritize that a little bit. I finally went to do handstands this morning with my friend and coach Elise, and I have not done it all summer, all summer, and that's two months. I've never since I started gone two months without going to see her to work on it. And I realized like this brings me joy. I know the calendar has been hard, but like I need to prioritize the things that bring me joy because there's just not been enough of that for me lately. And that's something I'm it's still a work in progress, but I'm trying trying to prioritize. Like I need a little bit of joy in my day. And no, maybe can't go do handstands all the time with my friend. Yeah. But I can watch something funny, I can watch a TV show that makes me laugh, I can talk to a friend and laugh about something silly. I don't know. How are you? Are you finding joy in your life? Are you like prioritizing those? So I yes, and I think I am it and this is so sad that like you have to like I feel like an asshole to say this, but I don't. Like I'm prioritizing me, period. Full stop. Yeah. My happiness, my health, um, valuing myself where I never did that before. Like I was always the thing that would be cut away from. If I, you know, if if money was tight, if time was tight, what's gonna go? Oh, my stuff's gonna go. Yeah. I'm not doing that anymore. Um, because I give a fuck about myself and I matter, and all the things that matter to me, my children, my marriage, my home. If I'm not okay, none of that is okay. Absolutely. And I think for like when the kids are littler, it's harder to do that because you just they need you. And it's so overwhelming. You don't even it's like the the boiling drop theory, right? Yeah, like it's just there and you there's nothing to be done. But now my kids are more independent and I'm making them more independent. Yeah. And my thing felt I definitely cuddled them, uh, which is fine. But they're like this morning, my kid got one of those like crunch lab build kit things, they're really cool. Um and he did most of it by himself. Oh, that's a big deal. That was a huge that there were a couple little bits that like frustrated him, but yeah. So independent kids means time to pour back into my cup. And I think I waited a long time. I thought everybody else would do it for me. Yeah, that's really dumb. Yeah, because honestly, I don't necessarily want what you want to pour in my cup. Like, I wanna I want the things that I want. I want to cultivate my life. Yeah, I'm not just like accepting, I am cultivating what I want and where my life is going. If not, yeah. I like that word. That's it. Okay, I'm gonna ask you some questions. Okay. Okay. Um what's one thing that you wished you'd stop caring about 20 years ago? Oh um, I know she's not listening. My mom's opinion. Does your mom listen to this? No. Okay. Another reason to not care about her opinion. I'm listening. That's a great one. That's a great one. Yeah. She's like a very unhappy, she's I'm like trashing my own now. She's she's like not happy. Yeah. She she can be very negative. Yeah. So I would always be trying to like, oh, if I do this, I'll let me make her happy. Yeah, yeah. No, she's just not happy. It has nothing to do with me. Yeah. So I wish I wish I had that moment like 20 years ago. Yeah. Yeah. I think for me, it's probably the like what people like how I look, what people think about all that. It's like all that tied together. Other people's feelings about me, how I who I am, my personality, how I look, all that. I wish that 20 years ago I stopped spending any time thinking about that. Um, what's one thing that you used to obsess over that barely crosses your mind now? Ooh. I don't know. What did I used to obsess over? Um, probably like career. Career, success, corporate ladder. Like that's where I was. Obviously, I'm just so far from that now, but it was yeah. Yeah. I think for me, I mean, I didn't actually think about this before. I wanted to like just see what came up for me. But because the word obsess is there, I used to obsess about being thin. Oh, yeah. So that's a whole other box for like the whole like all the diet culture and these things you can growing up in like the 90s with the hair on she's like, of course. I used to obsess about being as thin as I could, and I'm so happy that that is not a thing now. I want to be strong, I want to be healthy. If I want to lose a few pounds because I ate a lot of chocolate over the winter, okay, that's one thing. But like I do not obsess about being thin, and I'm so happy about it. So great. That's some bullshit right there.

SPEAKER_01 27:48

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 27:49

Um, okay, let's do one more. Um, this is I like this one. Have your kids noticed a difference in you like taking care of yourself more, not caring about like just some of the stuff we're talking about. Have they noticed that you're like taking more time for yourself and doing more things for yourself? Well, I don't know if they noticed it, but I did sit down and broadcast it to them. I was lower, yeah. It was like a random Tuesday mid-hot flash, and I summoned my entire family onto the couch. I had like my husband and my kids, and I'm like, we need to have a conversation, guys. Things are changing. They're like like panicked, and I'm like, mommy, mommy is changing. My body, things are happening to my body and my mind and the girl. Oh my god, that's so eight. It was a TV show, and I'm like, so we just need to uh give me some space and some respect. And so yeah, so funny didn't necessarily sink in all the way, but um, we're getting there. So yeah, they know. I love that. So I we did not have a family talk about this, but I think my kids are noticing. So my favorite place to be in the house is actually right outside the house on the porch, especially in the nice weather.

SPEAKER_01 29:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:06

So at every moment I can when we're home, I'm like, kids, I'm going on the porch. And I never used to really do that. Personally because I felt like I need to be in the house and whatever's going on there. But now I don't, they're a little older, I don't feel like I need to. So I'm always like, I'm going on the porch for a little bit, and they just know that I'm out there. So I think they're I don't know that they would have noticed, oh, mom's taking care of herself and doing more for her, but I think they're noticing that I'm just like going to do things for myself more. Well, so you're establishing more of a boundary around your time and accessibility, and they are responding, they're accepting. Yes. Every once in a while they will come out to see me on the porch, and that's fine. Sure. Come visit me, come sit and hang out with me. But most of the time, they just know mom's gonna go sit on the porch. That's so good. I know. Um, we didn't talk about the tea, I just realized. Oh, but this is a good thing. Yeah, discussed. So since in honor of our amount of fucks we are or aren't giving, today's tea is Neutralust by Neutrite. It's um a blend of Moira Puama, if I'm saying that anywhere near correctly, and Ashwagandha to promote a sexual energy and libido. I love it. So we'll see how we're feeling this afternoon. Jimmy, maybe we should do an after show. Right. We need to report back. Report back on all the fucks we give on Neutralust. I gotta try it. I haven't actually tried it yet. Um so before we go, we want to talk. We did I did ask some people online what are they giving less of a fuck about these days? Okay, what are the what are the unravelers feeling? Similar stuff. So just people not wearing makeup, not spending time on their hair, um, and then bigger ones like how people see them, like just not caring about how people what people think about them, which is the massive thing. I love this one, and she will know who she is saying it's saying no to plans. And I was like, yes, I love and not doing things if I don't want to do them. Yes, yes, there are some things we have to do out of obligation, but mostly if I don't have to do it, and it's not like a saying that is super important to someone that I really care about. Yeah, even sometimes if it is super important to someone that I care about, sometimes it's just no, I don't have the energy to give to that because I'm giving it to whatever. Yeah, no, I'm a I'm a hard note for stuff I'm not interested in. Yeah. Um people being like being less, being smaller, diaculture like was mentioned in that. Um, and I like this one. Um, not giving a fuck about people seeing how excited they are about maybe something that seems like filib frivolous or stupid or something. Oh, well I like that. Like that's be ashamed of your joy. Right. Like I I'm announcing more that I love musical theater. And I used to be a little bit like I'm not ashamed of music. But like that's a weird thing. I know. But I now I'm just like, I don't care. It makes me happy. Right. Analyze all the reasons why, but it just does. It makes you happy. And I don't care what people think about how that makes me happy. Right. Yeah, I like that one. That's really good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a yeah, that's really good ones. Yeah, and I think that's where we need to be at this stage of life, and like that's what I'm moving towards. Like, yeah, it's gotta be about your joy, yeah. Not about your obligation, not about expectation. Like, we don't get a lot of years. Like, let's enjoy the shit out of them. Yeah, I know. We gotta find the joy. That's it. And it's otherwise, like, what what what are we doing if we're not gonna find some joy in all of this? Right. Yeah. I love it. All right, so I don't know how you want to end it. I don't give a fuck how we end it. I don't know, I don't really give a fuck either. See y'all next week or not. Fuck off. Bye.