We’re running on caffeine and pure obligation

Are you exhausted… or is this just motherhood and midlife? In this episode, we’re unpacking burnout, the invisible mental load, and what it’s like to feel like everyone needs a piece of you. Join us as we laugh, vent, and wonder if caffeine and pure obligation are really enough to keep us going.

The Weekly Unravel is a podcast about motherhood, midlife, perimenopause, and everything in between. Join friends Heather and Sarah as they navigate life’s twists and turns with tea, humor, honesty, and absolutely no expertise.

Follow the show so you never miss an episode, and connect with us on Instagram @theweeklyunravelpodcast.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the weekly unravel, where we talk about life, motherhood, and midlife out loud with tea and humor and zero expertise. Hey Heather. Hi. Hey guys. Welcome to the weekly unravel. It's maybe been a week. Yeah, we we skipped last week because life got in the way, and here we are, and I'm tired, and that fits really well with today's topic. It I'm glad I'm not the only one because I I'm always so excited for summer. Like I think I'm a plant and I'm just gonna photosynthesize and everything's gonna be groovy. Yeah. And I'm I'm not feeling it, I have to be honest. It's uh I want the the summer weather, I mean not the super human gross days, but like general summer weather with a schedule of a fall, like where I have where kids are in school longer and I have more time and all of that. Summer's just a lot. It is a lot, and there's really good stuff in there, but it's mixed with exhausting. And yeah, yeah, those long days. A lot of kids at home, you know, more the rest of the year. Right. Uh so how how have you been? How's your week? What's your up and down? Okay, my my highs and my lows. So we're gonna go let's go high first. Let's talk about something good. So this last weekend I went into the city to meet my friend Melissa, who um we've been friends for 25 years and we went to see a show together, and I haven't seen her in a while. Um, and it was so nice. And we went to a yummy restaurant and we walked around and we saw the show, and um, so the whole thing was a high, but I'm gonna talk about something really random that you you never hear me talk about, which is makeup. Oh, okay. Because this was a moment, moment happened for me. So we're walking around, we had time to kill, and she was talking about different makeup things that she bought because she knows that I'm clueless about this stuff. Sure. And she's not like an expert, but she's a little bit ahead of me. Okay, okay. So so she's like, Oh, I got this new stick and this sheer thing. And I'm like, tell me, because I don't know anything that I'm doing. So because we had that conversation already, we had some time to kill. So we were walking, and I was like, let's go see if there's a Sephora or something on the way to our destination. And there was. So we went into a Sephora and we're just looking at things. We're both trying to find like a lipstick color or something that matched our skin and whatever. And so we're doing that. And I don't think it's supposed to match, you know what I mean? Like that was well. Yeah, yeah, flatters. We wanted to make our lipstick appear. So so we're doing that, and then she comes over to me. She's like, try this blush stick. I'm like, okay. And she dabs it on my cheek. It looks like a color that's gonna look terrible. Yeah. And she blends it, and like, my God, it's amazing. Really? Yeah. So, because when I think of blush, I think of like red, pink things that just I tried on like to look like a clown when I was a kid. Yeah, for sure. Right. That's that's my thing. Um, and she just put this little thing on that looked like a little bit brownish in a color that I would never pick, and it blended so nicely, not to make me look that different. It just gave me a little bit more like life and color. Okay. I'm not wearing it today. So just so you know, if you're trying to look at it. You look good today. So of course I bought it immediately. I was like, oh my god, this I need you to just do all of that for me because I don't know what I'm doing, but I have some interest in learning. Sure. But obviously not enough that I've made it happen. Learning yet. But she just picked it out and put it on my skin and was like, yeah, that's nails it. Yeah. So that was that was like a that was like an aha moment. Oh, like things I could do things, makeup y things, and had it look good and and natural, and just to give me more a little color and life and exactly without being like a makeup y. Uh I just need to know what I'm doing. Right. I need an an expert or my friend Melissa to be there all the time. Yeah, I think um, friend Melissa sounds great. Yeah, so that was kind of fun. Um, but the whole it was like 24 hours, but the whole thing was great. We saw a great show, we had a yummy lunch at one of our favorite places. We walked around and I slept and nobody needed me to get up in the morning, and it was just like nice to have a little time. So that was great. That's a good high. That's a good high. Yes, that's a good high. Um, my low is TMI, but that's why we're here. Okay. So um I am waiting for my period to come. Okay. And in my perimenopause phase, my period, my cycle is like 26 days, 27 days, 28, maybe throw 29 in there. Okay. I started on HRT three months ago.

unknown 4:33

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 4:34

And I still get like the first two months, my period came exactly the same time. And now we're on month three and I'm on day like 32 or 33 right now. And I feel just like a mess. I feel like it's about to come any second, and it's not coming at all. It's just so uncomfortable. Um, I described it this morning as feeling like purgatory. Like I'm just in this waiting area. Can't move forward, can't do anything. I'm just here to exist like this forever. It feels awful. That's terrible. So um, I am going to play around with like maybe not taking my progesterone for a few days because I'll be breaking on a period. I don't know. I called my doctor and left a message. But um that is the advice that I've got. Okay. To like make this happen because a progesterone might actually be blocking it right now, even though it didn't for the last few months. Interesting. So, do you think that might mean that you don't need to supplement progesterone? So not necessarily. It might mean well, I I want I don't know. I'm not necessarily. I don't know if it's too high or if it's like I don't need some people don't do the progesterone right for the whole month. Do you do it for the whole month? I do. And you get your periods normally on. Yeah. So it's weird because I had that for the first few months. But there, but some people have said like it just I don't know exactly what it's doing. But maybe but it would be the progesterone that is blocking it. So the advice is to just don't take it for a couple of days. So whether I hear back from my doctor today or not, I'm not taking it tonight. Makes sense. Not seeing it for a few days. I will update you on the next episode. Good luck, weather my friend. So we are doing like a real-time experience. We are beware for you. And we will see if I bleed because I'm getting really fucking cranky. And um, I need to bleed. Plus, I need no I need to bleed. I'm so hot. Like I'm just so hot. I got a bed last night. It just like an ice wrap thing on me. So it feels like my body just keeps going in one direction and I need it to release. So we'll see if the progesterone stopping for a few days helps. Okay. That's my bad of the week. Um, okay. Well, but it's like a real time to I will update you guys to see if it worked. Yeah, we should be vlogging this or like journaling. And she got her period two days after. Oh, the progesterone. She needs to bleed. Yes. I really need to bleed. That's where I'm at, guys. Hey, you chose to listen to this. That's what we're here for. Oh my gosh. How are you? What are your highs and those? Oh my gosh. So I'm gonna start this by saying I don't have like any like one big high thing, but I'm gonna say through everything I'm about to talk about, my village is villaging, and that's been a really good feeling. Like a little like social network that we have is is all together. And and I love that. And even, you know, in the good and the bad and the ugly, that's always just like it feels like an achievement for me. Like, there's a lot of things in my life or markers where I feel like I'm not where I want to be, or maybe I'm a little behind. But I feel like that building community box, like I have kind of like I'm I'm there now, like for my kids and like our you know, that's little like mom friend groups and people looking out for each other. So that like it's actually I'm very like proud of. Okay. So that's that's sustaining. The bad. I want to know which one of you little bitches out there is giving me the evil eye. Okay. Because here's what happens, Hather. I'm gonna throw it back. I'm gonna throw it back to life hacks and salty snacks, okay? Where I talked about my luxury that is a luxury and my um bargain that feels like a luxury. And also the last episode or health episode, where we talked about my GLP1 journey. Okay. Wow, we're throwing an illness. Oh, it's I need to know. I've been hexed. So um, first we'll start off with I go to film my GLP1 prescription. And no thank you, ma'am. Insurance is no longer covering that. What? Yeah, so my insurance changed, and now they will not cover that for weight loss. Wow. They will cover it for sleep apnea, cardiac events, but not for simple weight loss, which is what I'm sure no one's listening to this, like insurance companies or doctors. Can't the can your doctor just say it's for something else? No. Well, I don't want to say she tried, so yeah. So so one, like the drug that I had been on, which was Zet Bound, they will now only approve for sleep apnea. I don't have sleep apnea. I called the insurance company. I'm like, what like is going on? Like, this is still listed on your site as covered medication. It's still listed as a weight loss drug. So what's going on? They're like, no, we'll only do that for sleep apnea. We'll do WeGovi to reduce risk of cardiac event. So I say, Oh, I say, well, my last two appointments, my blood pressure was elevated. Would that count? Like, does that count as like, you know, potential risk of cardiac event? The insurance company says, Well, your doctor has to like send it over that way. So I email my doctor, I'm like, hey, this is the information that I'm receiving. If you feel that that is accurate, clinically accurate and appropriate, this is a way I could get it covered. So she's like, I'll try. Yeah. And they said, fuck you. So fine, fine. So I can't get that anymore. So now I've had to look into no those online compounding pharmacies, which is like, who knows what I'm injecting into myself at this point. But so whatever. So I do that. Okay, guys, I do that. And the bottom line is it's gonna cost me $150 a month, which is actually like pretty good compared to that. I was gonna say, I'm I'm surprised it's not more, but we'll see. Like we'll see if this company doesn't have to do it. Yeah, okay, okay. But so $150. Okay. So let's take it back to life hacks and salty stuff. My luxury that feels like a luxury was getting my nails done. How they're looking my nails out of the way. They're very nice. Yeah, gray, sparkly. Uh, you know how much it costs me to get my nails done? $150 a month. So to cut my budget to make room for my drinking? I'm getting rid of my nails. No, you can't get rid of my nails. I wait, why does this cost $150 a month? This I cut off. These were like fake. I have my glasses on this. Hold on. Let me see. Are they cute? These are disgusting. I didn't have my glasses on. I destroyed them. Great. So you have to have people not be able to see. So nobody wear your glasses around me. Okay, so how okay, how often we were going there? I have to go. It costs like 70 bucks each time. So like 150. So you may have to get like the basic boring manicure then. You can at least do that. It's something. It's something. But this is a fancy nails. So this is my budget. You don't have your fancy nails. Like I see now. This is my budget swap. I had a budget swap it. So fine. Then my other thing, my bargain that feels like a luxury was my summer camp for my kids, where they went last year. It was a town run camp. They had such a great time. They started Monday. As soon as I walk in, my son hugs me at the end of the day. He says, Mom, thank God, get me out of here. No. And they proceed to tell me how their counselor was so mean, was wrestling the kids, hit one kid's head, right? And um, I'm like, oh my gosh. So I reach out to my friend whose kid it was who got hit on the head, and she's like, Oh my gosh. And her son's been there longer. And she starts rattling off these other incidents that have happened and this counselor who's so mean. So, like that was my last this was supposed to be like yesterday. That was yesterday. And it was supposed to be like my kids are gonna have a great time. Right. Like we've had a a good summer, they've been doing a lot of stuff, but you know, when your kids are doing stuff, you're like making the stuff happen. Like make the fun happen. This was like, okay, I can like get some of my like stuff done for life that I need to get done, and they can also be having fun. And but no, so last night it was my friend and I, you know, sending emails back and forth to the camp director and like to each other, like, what do you think of us? Um, but in addition to that, so we had our experience, but I have another friend whose son is at a different camp, and she it emailed me about something. She's like, Well, we can't have any more play dates for this summer. I'm like, What are you talking about? Yeah, apparently her son's camp, they set up a bouncy slide. Okay, cool, but just like on concrete. Oh, so like it just ended like this. So I just ended on concrete. Oh no. And he ended up hitting his head and getting like a massive concussion. And he can't do anything, like, he can't even watch TV.

unknown 12:46

No.

SPEAKER_00 12:47

Because she had said, well, he can't run out of the call. I can bring my boys and we'll do like a movie night. And she's like, nope, can't watch movies, can't play video games. No, just sit around. He can do like Legos, he can build like a Lego and like maybe do a craft. That's like gonna be rough. Can you think of any eight-year-old boy that could do that for a six month? Sit around, no, absolutely not. Right. It's not gonna happen. So probably make it a week, maybe, right? And it just like the whole thing has me so angry because these camps, like they're expensive, they're not cheap. Even the town one, it's cheaper, but it's still not cheap. And they're run by like underpaid teenagers who are left completely unsupervised. And my god, I mean it sounds so old, but like this generation is so frustratingly inept sometimes. How are the boys going to camp today? So I let them know, like one of them is a little more cavalier. He was fine. My nervous Nelly boy, I told him, I said, listen, mommy, and I'll just say her name, Miss Jen, because he loves Miss Jen. Mommy and Miss Jen are working on it, and we spoke to the camp. So, like, once he knew it was like mommy and Miss Jen, like he was like, Okay. Okay, good. We're gonna, it's gonna be okay. Today is back. Yeah. So while I walked them in this morning, the counselor in question approached me and was like, Oh, I was told I had to apologize to you. I'm like, first of all, that's not how you apologize. I said I have to do this. Number one, like I'm so deeply have to do this. I just looked at him. I'm like, no, you can apologize to my children. Nice. It was like my most care and moment I think I've ever had. Like no. You gotta learn how to apologize and do it too. Yeah, at least pretend. They told me I have to say I'm sorry. Like, I feel like my eight-year-olds can do a better job, more convincing when I tell them. But anyway, but that's that. But it just like this frustration of like, when do we get a break? Like, when do we get a break? Like, camp should be easy. That should just be like a fun, safe little couple hours a day. We can offload our damn kids and not worry that somebody's swinging them around by their ankles or throwing them down slides out of concrete. Like, that's bad. It's basic. I'm not asking a lot. That's bad. I'm not asking. That brings me to my topic today, Heller. Because if you can't even trust summer camp, we're all screwed. I'm so burnt out. The topic is burnout. Burnout. Mom burnout, mom burnout, middle-aged burnout, burnout, all together a burnout. So for our topic today, I know I usually um we have such lovely herbal teas. Not today. Not today, guys. Today we have chameleon cold brew organic espresso. It's like a concentrated, yeah, cold brew concentrated. So we've got concentrated espresso. I've poured it over ice and I mixed in a little bit of chocolate protein shake just to really supercharge the energy. Yeah, I love that. So if by the end of this episode you can't understand a word that I'm saying, I'll just take over and send you into the backyard to take your zoomies out. Yeah. So burnout. What is it? What is it? What is it to what does it mean to you? Because I like, yeah, it might mean different things to different people. I I know I was thinking about that and I'm like, what what what is that? Is that there's so much I do feel like there are a lot of different kinds of burnout. And I feel like we just have to exist in burnout. Like I feel when I think of some burnouts like I'm burnt out and now I need to stop and recover and whatever. We we don't get to stop and recover. So we just exist feeling burnt out all the time. Right. So it's not like burnout is like this thing, I'm done, I need to take a break. It's more like a consistent state of exhaustion and overwhelm.

unknown 16:20

Right.

SPEAKER_00 16:20

And we don't get to like do the celebrity thing and like go to the clinic for exhaustion and just like get some IVs for a week. It's it's yeah, it's more like I'm just constantly overwhelmed and exhausted and overstimulated and just like uh yeah, like very close to being like, okay, I need a break. Or I can't, yeah. Yeah. So like I feel like there's levels to it. Like, like you said, like there's kind of like that chronic like my cup is empty, but I gotta keep going. Right. And then for me, like what I've been feeling like my cup is empty, I gotta keep going, and I don't my executive function collapses. Like my will to do the things collapses and it makes the burnout worse. Yeah, because then you're not gonna be able to do it. Because now I'm in the hole, yeah. Right. And now I'm tired and dysfunctional and I can't focus, and everything still needs to get done. And it's and yeah. So that's that's that's where I'm at with that. And then then what do you do about it? There's not that's the problem. There's like really no solution. It's like, what's the point of even having this conversation right now that right now? Because it's not gonna change and there's nothing we can do about it. But we could a little bit of where I am. Yeah, but we can just reach about it. Right, exactly. We can that's what this is for. This is not to come up with any real solution. No solution maybe just to make everybody feel less. I mean, we could like run away from home, but yeah, but even that's not a real option. So you know you're gonna go pick up your kids. It's maladious daydreaming. Well, I know, and I will I will say this that um I've been chatting with a couple of friends that I have about how it's like the escape fantasy. Like you just keep the fantasy going. Right. She has a specific fantasy of her escaping current life, and like that keeps her going. Okay. Like good. Nothing wrong with that. You're not hurting anybody with that. Just you keep it going. And like, I mean, sometimes for me, I just escape into books and trashy TV shows going back to solving. That's actually kind of good. But I escape into that because I need to check out of my current reality. Right. And I'm not going away, but I'm gonna sit in a cozy spot and watch some trash that has nothing to do with my life experience at all, but it makes me escape a little bit. Right. You know, it's like I feel like that's all we have. So sure, taking a long nap or getting 24 hours off or whatever, those are all great and helpful things, but it doesn't address the actual issue. No, and I don't know how it is for you, but you had just had like this great like weekend away with your friend, and then you come back and everything's waiting. Yeah, but you know what? I was still thinking about things at home when I was there. I mean, let's not kid ourselves. I had some great moments and we had a really good time, but I was also thinking about like, are they gonna make it to that person's birthday party? I don't think so. I was communicating with the birthday party person to let her know they're not gonna make it and why and whatever. And then with the other friend who thought my daughter was gonna be at the birthday party and then communicating with my husband about what they're doing at home, and like we had a babysitter, she gets this much money. You know, I'm still thinking about it, they're still communicating about it. You're still running the show. Let's be so clear. Let's be so clear. I had a friend who used to, she was a stay-at-home mom, but she was like a very business person, but she would refer to herself as the CDO, the chief domestic officer. I like it. And I'm like, that is so real. Like it's you like your real thing. Bullet pointed it on a resume, it would be so impressive. So I forgot, I made a list. What do you have? Um, of all the things because when we were talking about doing this topic, I was like listing all the things that are on my plate, basically. Like the mental load. A mental load of it all? Yes. So let's see. I and this is just a little bit, just things I just randomly thought of in like a four-minute period when I was sitting on my phone. So it's like, when is this birthday party happening? Did I get a gift for that birthday party? Should I communicate with the mom about what gift they might want? The timing, this is for my daughter, what's my son gonna do? There's then there's your own kid's birthday party, ordering all the things. Where are you having it? When are we having it? Is their best friend available that day? Just nonstop. Getting the kids new clothes because you realize that your daughter put this thing on the other day and it doesn't fit her anymore. And she really liked those pants from this company. Did they still have them? Then you have to make a note or go search for them, see if they have them, all of that. Dentist appointments, doctor's appointments for you, for them. Um, planning play dates, grocery shopping. What are they eating this week that they didn't want to eat last week? What are we trying? What new foods are we trying? Forget making dinner every night or figuring out what dinner is every night and breakfast and packing their lunches. They wanted this for lunch last week. They don't want this anymore. They're over it. Now we have to try this other thing for lunch because I want them to actually eat their lunch. Yeah. The school forms you have to bring to the nurse to get them to fill out so that you can blah blah blah blah. Get them all their school stuff. Yep, yep. I mean, I that's just a little bit that I wrote down. I'm gonna have like a few minutes. That's just like that was just on my head. Like the tip of the iceberg. It's the tip of the iceberg. But at the tip of the iceberg, it's that kind of stuff that's just always in my head. And that's it's the invisible low, the let's let's org chart it. Okay, so we've got like procurement. Under procurement, you have groceries, clothing, health supplies, um, gifts for the whole family, right? Uncles, aunts, cousins, whatever every birthday holidays holidays. Then you have calendar management. That's your appointments, their appointments, play dates, birthday parties, doing all that, school events, um school stuff. Health. You've got you've you're like the health person. So not only do you have to like figure out what are you willing to eat, but what do you need to eat? And how do I mesh that somewhere in the middle? And then what everyone's eating, because everyone's eating a different thing. Right. Like I one of my kids is like a super, super picky eater, and he's like never getting protein like at all. Like just lives off of Like she likes fruit and that's good. Like fruit is healthy, but some natural can kill us. But that's another. No, I was like, she's gonna give you the rug. Diarrhea for today. You don't need DLP. Do you need dirige? I reckon that's what I need, just some tailor form lettuce. And I'm all set. Oh sorry, say that we're gonna see me now. Yeah, because they're probably yeah, you know they're listening. Yeah. We do have a lot of lessons. Diarrhea defamation. Um anyway, yeah, but so with like I have to remember, like, oh, it's been three meals since you've had pro it's it's in to lose. And it doesn't stop. It doesn't stop. Like, I don't know how your husband is. My husband doesn't care about anything. Like, if we never went on vacation, if we didn't have Christmas, like if we didn't, he wouldn't care. He wouldn't care if you just like didn't have a Christmas. If he would love it, actually. Like he's just like like seriously, the man could live in a shoebox and just like as long as like there were some pretzels and hummus at the end of the day and a beer, like he's fine. Like his it's what I guess is like ignite your humble, but like it's very frustrating to try to create a life with someone like that who's then not valuing all of that labor because it is the invisible labor. It's thinking about it. Okay, you want to think about it because you don't want to do nothing. Has this thing come into your house? Do you have the fucking out? No, I refuse. We both refuse to do that. So I did refuse getting the damage. I refused, I refused, and then I had like this existential crisis moment where I'm like, the magic is gonna be over soon. Oh like they're like do you know what I mean? I like I just I felt like I wanted to hold on to like a little more. So I did it, and I thought for sure the year I did it would be like one and done because they were gonna know. I'm either really good at the fucking app, or my kids are dumber than I thought because they're like, we can't wait for fives to come back, mommy. We love that's it's cute, so but I'm really glad that I but like that's the kind of thing that like I just add that to the stuff that I the thankless stuff that I do because my kids aren't thanking me for it because they think it's an elf. No, my husband's just like he's not gonna think he doesn't care if it happens, he doesn't care if it happens. I made the elf give him cool here. He got in trouble and he got like a nasty letter from Santa and his back with so my husband does do a bunch of cleaning and he is like on top of stuff in the house, but I it's my job to do all the things that I talked about because that is my my role. So, you know, it's like even though the invisible load stuff, like all the things to do for the kids, everything that we just mentioned, that's on me. Right. And it's just exhausting. I'm just a default parent. And sometimes that's wonderful, and sometimes it's exhausting because I'm the holder of all the information in my head, sometimes putting it onto a calendar so that it doesn't have to all be in my head, but it's just it's just all there and I have it. And I'm pretty good at doing that stuff. So it it's natural in a way for me to do it because I'm a person that gets shit done and makes shit happen. Right. But sometimes I want a break and it just isn't it's just not a thing. It's not coming. It's not there is no break. And I don't want to it's so tricky because I don't want to love that thing. I don't want to stop doing making their dentist appointments and doing their birthday. Like I don't want to stop doing it because I I want to do it. Right. I'm I don't know, it's a very weird feeling. It's like I want to do it, but I'm exhausted and it's overwhelming, and I can't do it. You feel alone in it because no one else is gonna do it. Well, that as well. It's it's like that's my job. Yeah. As CDO. I like it. CDO. I'm now declaring that I am CDO, but it's exhausting. Uh it just feels like it just that's why I said in the beginning, like we can talk about it, but nothing's gonna change. So just keep going and and make your appointments and let's do this shit because it's just not gonna stop. We just have to like put our big girl pants on and keep it I know keep it moving. I know, but I'd like I wish there was some other answer. Yeah. Does somebody have another answer? I I'm open. I'm open. I mean, espresso is called with a call out. Does anybody have another answer? Somebody help me. We're sounding a little depressed right now. Like I'm a little worried about us. I don't know. I don't, I don't, I don't, I've got nothing. Yeah. It's just let me ask you some questions. What do you have before we just cry and get into bed and get depressed? Okay. Um, oh well, some of these are fun. Tell me something really small and stupid that you've cried over. Because you know it's not about that thing. You know, it's like you stub your toe and now you're hysterically crying on the floor, and it has nothing to do with hurting your toe a little bit. It's because of every single thing, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. So that's a little thing that happened. So I had this issue where my um I needed a new tire and it was like slowly leaking air. And I, for whatever reason, I really hate putting air in a tire. It just bothers me. Like I'm always afraid like I'm gonna mess it up and it's gonna blow up in my face. So I would like always ask my husband, can you please just do this? And he would never do it. So it was like frustrating. So then, you know, one day I'm like, Oh, can you just like I had somewhere to go the next day? I'm like, I need air in the tire, can you just do it? He didn't do it till later that night. He's like, Oh, I never put air in the tire. I'm gonna go put air in the tire. So he he takes the car, puts air in the tire. Great, thank you so much. I get in the car the next day to go do it. The gas is on A. I think you told me this. I I just I was I was meeting a friend flash and I'm like, I walk in and I'm just like crying. I'm like, I'm it just like I had to beg. It's a beg for the smallest thing. And again, it had this the frustration of I do everything. And my husband does work a lot. I can't take that away from him. He works so much. But because of that, I truly do everything else. Yeah. Like truly I'm alone most of the most of my friends are single moms because I live like a single mom. Like, I can't, like, you know, no, we're not gonna go hang out as like two family. Like, it's just me. Um, and I was just like, how like you didn't see that it was on e. Like you didn't see, like, I don't want to have to ask for everything. I don't want to have to communicate everything. And that that was that was a moment that I was just like a little thing that was felt really big. So I have I tend to lose it over things that are really way smaller than that. And but like clearly alert to me that I'm I'm burnt out and overstimulated. So like um like I was getting out of the car and then something fell on the floor of the car that I needed to know. I was already holding three things, and I like couldn't get that, and then I dropped something. Oh god, you know what I mean? Like that's I get angry and then I might cry or something. Yeah, yeah. It's just like I'm trying it's like in that moment. And it's basically exactly what I said, indicative of I'm trying to hold it all together, do all the things, and then something falls, and I just gives it. Yeah, part of it is anger because like I'm doing all this stuff and blah blah blah, you know, right, right. But it's not even anger at anyone, it's just like anger, and then I'm just crying because I'm just over I'm tired and I'm overstimulated, I'm whatever. Yeah, and I'm not saying they're necessarily things other people could have been could have done for me. I make the kids take their bads out of the heart, you know what I mean? It's just I was just by myself in that moment. And sometimes it's that that frustration of why does something always go wrong? Yeah, like why can't a thing just be the thing? And it's like, why can't I just send my kids to camp? Like, why the yeah, why can't a thing just go? Like little things. Like I'm walking down the hallway and I accidentally like sub my tone. It wasn't even that hard. It's like, why is the wall in the way? Why is the wall there? Why do I have toes? Like, why I can't I just exactly like I'm just trying to walk down the hallway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, I get that. Like the lemons, the lemons, but I get like those kinds of things. I get hyper-emotional, like hyper sensitive emotional when I'm burnt out. Like, I cannot read greeting cards. Oh. Like I couldn't Why are you even reading greeting cards? Well, like it was just my husband and I's anniversary. People people birthday go to CVS to read greeting cards. I just try to feel like yeah. I'm not a cutter anymore. No, I just read greeting cards. Um, no, but like when I and it could be like I've been buying k children's birthday cards. Yeah, yeah. Oh my god, happy second bri Oh, everything makes me cry. When I'm when I'm burnt out, when I'm like my my nervous system is just yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, when was the last time? This is we have to define this. Okay. Do you think you did like nothing? Whatever that means. 2016? I know. Like, what does that mean? Yeah, like I'm gonna redefine that. I'm gonna redefine that. Okay. When was the last time you felt you were doing an activity, which could have been lying in bed and resting, not sleeping, because that you did something where you did not feel, oh my god, I have to do this. Oh my god, I'm thinking about this, my god Right, like without the running script in the back of my mind. Exactly. And like without guilt of like, I'm doing this, but I should be doing ten other things. I really I don't if I'm being completely honest, no before we're here. No. I I've had I've had moments where I'm like maybe reading my book. Yeah. And like totally focused on that or lying in bed snuggling, especially if my husband and I have a good snuggle. Okay, and I can just feel like I'm just like in the moment. I do have moments, which is nice before the rush comes back. Yeah, I feel like I have moments. Maybe fleeting. For me, like fleeting. We need to find you somewhere. I need to we need to find you somewhere. Well, and I think it's also just a matter I can have a very chattery brain. Well, yeah. So that's uh so we need pot. Like I can have I can have five different waves going on. What if you have a glass of wine? Is that how? No. A bottle.

unknown 31:21

Just get it.

SPEAKER_00 31:23

Um, okay, last question. What is something that you secretly resent doing? Not that it's an obvious, not like I hate doing dishes. I hate you know what I mean? What's something that you I don't even have an answer for this? I'm gonna have to get like. I resent, um Well, maybe we can't say it out loud. No, I can say it out loud. I'm gonna say it out loud. I resent when I have to like arrange things for my husband's family. Not that I resent doing it for the individual people, but like he won't remember his nephew's birthday. He doesn't remember like when his mom's birthday is coming up. I always have to poke him and be like, hey, it's gonna be your mom's birthday. Have you talked to the other guys? Like, what are you planning on doing? And it's not that I I I don't mind it because of her. Like, I'm happy to, you know, and it's not like I do so much, but it's like that I have to nudge you for your own family. I find that really So I think I have an answer now. I think mine is for holidays or events or whatever. I think I kind of resent all the gifts that I have to get for all the millions of people that get gifts from off. It's just too much. Yeah. It makes me hate the holidays. That's one of the reasons I might not like some of the holidays. For sure. But it's like this this neighbor always gives us gifts. So I feel obligated. Now every year, there's one person I have in mind. Okay. I don't think they're listening, but it's like we get gifts every year. It's like, why, why? Right. You know, like we're not close. And now I'm like, oh, I gotta get this random person a gift like a bag of whatever. It just feels stupid and unnecessary. I love you wanna give me something, give me a nice card. I don't need like random crap. And then there's just all the gifts for all the people, and that goes for, I mean, there are people that I don't mind getting gifts for, like the people that I love and want to buy gifts for, but it's all the extra stuff. I feel like everyone gifts a gets a gift now around the holidays. So it's just too much. I started it's we need to like change, but and it's like the waste and the consumerism, and it's just it's just so stupid. It's like there's something I'd rather have a I'd rather make a homemade card to another adult. Let's color each other. Someone would be so cute. And I write a nice message. So that's where I started making mustard. What? Sorry. Can you say that again? So you know, like everybody's got dietary stuff now, like who's gluten-free, who's vegetarian, who's allergic, who's on a diet. So like I don't want to bake cookies for the holidays because who's gonna eat them? I started a few years back. I made mustard. So, like for the randos that you just gotta get, I make a huge batch and then I jar it up in like little jars, like I can. Little like homemade, and like a like a German, like a Bavarian. Mustard. I gotta learn to make something random like that. Yeah, and especially a long time ago, I used to have someone that made their own like candles and body scrubs and those kinds of things. That was a great gift. I'm like, this is amazing. We should do that. We should we can do it like together. Oh, we have to do that. And then it's like a bunlight hangout day. We can get some other friends in on it. Okay, and we have this make stuff day. I'm on board. Someone just has to tell me what to do. Like uh, like people do like cookie parties, but but like a mixtape party buying random other crap from the store. I love a consumable, right? Whether it's like a hand lotion, a grill. If we can make our own with some good ingredients, I'm on board. Did we like solve one thing? I think we actually solve one thing. One thing. I'll take that's actually a really good idea. That's the one thing that's one thing. I feel a lot better. Oh my god. And then we make like a fun lake get together. I like this. I like this. Okay. For any of you listening, you might be getting a scrub or a lotion or a or whatever I can figure out how to make. We've got some. Looking forward to that. Oh my god, I'm into it. I love it. I love it. Yeah. Well, I think that's a good way to end. Yeah. And on a win. So um, we normally do uh like listener things, and I was so tired and burned out, I didn't even think to ask anybody about this one. So we don't have any listeners. We have no feed, we got nothing. We got nothing. I know. We hope our listeners are still listening. It's been a weird summer, and we are both, I know, very much looking back to diving into September fall schedule. We've got exciting stuff in the works for you. Um, more media coming your way. And uh we're gonna we're gonna look to expand and become a more immersive experience. Immersive. You know, some videos, some TikTok. Yeah. You can see all the four kitchen. In the fall, we'll have time to focus on expanding our reach a little bit. Yeah. But uh summer we're just trying to survive. That's it. Pray for us or chant for us, or whatever you do, change something. Do it for us. I'm gonna slam the rest of this espresso and hope for the best. Right. Have a good day, everyone. Thank you. Bye.