Aging- The Good, The Bad and The Botox?

From wrinkles and reading glasses to confidence and caring less what people think, we’re unraveling what it really feels like to age—and why it isn’t all bad.

The Weekly Unravel is a podcast about motherhood, midlife, perimenopause, and everything in between. Join friends Heather and Sarah as they navigate life’s twists and turns with tea, humor, honesty, and absolutely no expertise.

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Transcript

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Welcome to the weekly unravel, where we talk about life, motherhood, and midlife out loud with tea and humor and zero expertise. Hey Sarah. Hey Heather, how's it going? It's it's gone. How was your week? Oh my gosh, how was my week? So the good and the bad. Um I might have to- And the funny. I feel like we need a funny. By the funny, the f I would love things to be funny. Actually, like I so my I'll start with my bad because my bad is pretty bad. Okay, tell me about it. Um, so my bad is my dad went in for some testing. Oh no. He had an MRI and they found some growths on his prostate that are most likely cancer. Oh, yeah. Um, and I know we don't this is something that we were gonna get into being in this stage of our journey is facing your parents aging and their health. Um so he has to still go for a biopsy. Um, but highly likely that it's a pretty, pretty aggressive cancer. Um and it's hard because I am such a daddy's girl. You know, every little girl, your dad's your first superhero. And with my dad, he really made us believe that. And yeah, the guy just kind of looked like Mr. Queen my whole life growing up, um, would refer to himself as the man of steel and you know, hold our hands and let us climb up him like a mountain. So just the thought of anything being able to touch him like that is um it's did you get a chance to sob and break down about it, or did you have to just hold it together because I think I've just been holding it together. My mom is really scared. Yeah, my mom is really scared, and he's having some other things go on too. And he, because he is, you know, stubborn German guy, you know, he's not all over getting straight to the doctor about everything. And you know, my mom will be like, Oh, I think you need to, and he's like, Ah, I can't deal with that right now. And I think I think it's hard for him. He's also a person who's always taking care of himself, you know. Um, excuse me, he'll go for 20-mile bike rides and he goes to the gym every day and he's mindful on his eating, and so I think even work, it makes it even worse. And he has, you know, relatives, he has an aunt who's still alive at 90 something, you know, and I think he foresaw that for himself, having a very long, very healthful, and that is still on the table. We can get over this. Um, but I don't think he anticipated these things for himself. And because, you know, I believe in my dad, I couldn't anticipate it for him either. So um that's been that's been hard to to kind of sit in. And it's funny because as I was thinking about having this conversation with you on our podcast today, I was a little more cheerful than I am right now. So I think maybe I'm processing a a little and and moving in that. But um, so that was my bad. That's bad. That's my bad. My good, my good is also happy tears. My good is happy tears. Um, you know that one of my sons has been going through some stuff with with um his mental health, and that's been really challenging. Um I went out the other day and I just happened to run into someone who I would say I know professionally, and I'm going to just be careful so that I don't um compromise her her privacy. Um but she became aware of what things that were going on with my son, and she approached me and opened up to me about some some things that had gone on with her child and was so warm and so open, and she didn't need to be, she chose to be. Um, and it gave me so much comfort. And I think uh a pattern that I have when when I'm going through things is I think that somehow it's my fault, whether it was something I did wrong or wasn't doing good enough, or I just simply karmically deserve it somehow. It's it's a bad pattern that I have of thinking. So when I have someone like that open up to me, who someone who I do admire and respect and who seems like, you know, a winner who life should be good for, and they're having the same struggle as me, it it always comforts that part of me that thinks I deserve it or that it is my fault. Yeah. Um and it just reminded me of or affirmed for me how important what we're doing here is that when women share their struggles with each other, it makes everything lighter in in a way. You know, and even even for the person, she opened up to me but and it did something for me, but I think it also did something for her to be able to say, I've been through these bad things, I've been through these hard things, but I I can also help other people, I can still be, and you know how um it was just such a human thing. Such a human thing to just circle the wagons and come together when stuff gets hard. So that was yeah, it was beautiful and uh I really love that. That was my good. So that was that's been my week. That's a big week. It's a lot. I'm really tired, has it? Um how's your week going? My week was my bad was not the same level of bad as yours. So let's just practice that. Bad is bad. But my refrigerator broke. Oh god. You know, you use your refrigerator a lot as a family of friends. Like all the time. Yeah. So that was not great. Um, so there was a lot of you know, taking things out and figuring what we need and how we're gonna feed everybody. There's been a lot of ordering in, which I don't love to do these days. And um trying to find a new free age and figure that out. So we should hopefully have one very, very soon. Okay. Um, but the refrigerator broke. Um that's stressful though. Like you said, it was your meal plan and you're I know, and I threw out a lot of food that I actually cooked. And as you know, this is not my favorite thing. Yeah. There's this new chicken recipe that I was told about, and you have to share it at some point. And I made it, and I don't think I make chicken, meat, whatever, very well. And I made it and everybody loved it, and it was so good. And so it's having to like throw stuff out. Oof, it's rough. So also it's like, okay, throw that out. What is that, $20 throwing out here? It was just, you know, literally a lot of money. And then ordering in the whole thing was just stressful and frustrating and not a lot of healthy eating. And that's yeah. So that was really um, really hard. And did you get a new fridge? We ordered it. Okay. So hopefully it should be here this week. Great. Assuming all the delivery things happen when they're supposed to, which is a yeah, you never know. I know. So that was my bad. Um, my good part of the good was that overall it was just a hard week and good. I'm glad it's over because I'm feeling a lot better this week. Great. Um, but also good, the weather has been really nice, and I feel like I've been taking walks outside more, and it makes such a difference in my mental health if I can go outside and take a walk. The kids have been outside a lot, which I talked about last time. So I've been going on bike rides and walks. And you know, the winter is so hard and depressing, and it's very clear when it's spring now and the weather's so nice that I need to be outside. I need to be taking walks. I need to be in nature more. Not that walking around my block feels like nature, but it's letting me know, oh, I need to get to, I need to go to the beach, I need to go to the woods, I need to do something. So I think the good part, again, it was a hard week. I'm really stretching for a good here because it really was a hard week. Like hormonally, it was a hard week. Sure. Um, but I'm glad it's over and I'm glad the weather's been good and that I've been able to get outside and remember that that's so important to me. Yeah. So it's a little good wing. It's you know the weather change that it makes a huge difference when it's nice out. I need the vitamin D. I need to be able to be outside. Okay, you're gonna make it. Like put the you know, the things in my garden. I took more, uh, it just it makes a difference. Like go and say hello to my cucumber plants. Right, you know, like I I need this. Right. And I know you're very good at staying on top of your fitness regime and the things that you do, but there's something different about exercise physicality and being outside physicality, doing actual things. Yes, it just feels it feels good, it feels so much better. Yeah. So being outside, being in the garden, doing all of that, it really did like fill up something in my soul that I needed. Yeah, so that was good. That's good. And let's get to today's topic. Oh my goodness. Okay, we are talking about how we're all getting older. Specifically, you and I are getting older. We are getting older. We're gonna talk about aging, we're gonna talk about the good, the bad, the what the fuck about it. You know, I'm thinking about it. I think when we met, I wasn't even 40 yet. You weren't? No, I wasn't. You were late 30s. Yeah, so we are aging, we're watching each other fall apart in real time. It's so fun. So, okay, I want to ask you a question first. What is hold on, okay. I'm gonna I'm gonna just phrase like this. What has made you feel old lately? What has made me feel old lately? So we were talking about how nice it was Sunday. I got outside and I did some weeding that I've been like, oh, really wanting to weed. And then all day yesterday, my lower back was angry with me. And really, like really back, really. Uh so that yeah, that that hit me with the the aging. And then there's just every time I need to read something, I have to squint or pull it away or get I don't know. That's my answer. It's the reading glasses. I can't see anything. I hate it. So I wear contacts. So when I wear contacts, I need the reading glasses. Sure. When I don't have my contacts on and I have my glasses, I still can't see well reading. So I have to take the glasses off to read. I hate that I just can't look at something now that I'm wearing my contacts. I can't look at it quickly and see what it says. I can't just scroll, not scroll on a phone, but like look by something and quickly catch what it says at all. I need to stop. I need to get glasses and dig around in my purse. It drives me crazy. Right. So it doesn't feel make me feel old. It makes, but I know that it's because I'm getting older. So I'm very aware of the fact that I'm older every time I look at something and I cannot see it at all. See it. It drives me crazy. It's just annoying. Right. It's annoying. It's something basic I've been doing my whole life, just seeing. Just seeing. I can't see. That's reading them some time. Um, trying to, my son wanted me to change the music in the car. So I'm trying to see the song, the whole playlist. I could not read the song. Like, really, I'm looking, it's not that far away. No, it's not. Like I can't get on my glasses while I'm driving my reading glasses. Right. It's just everything. I can't search on the TV for a shell. Like, you know, when you're gonna go for like Netflix or I can't see the like I did see, yeah, I know. If I didn't know the alphabet, I I'd be in trouble. Okay, so those are um those are more superficial things. So what are some deeper? Yeah, like the more emotional or the more the things that are hitting you. Like what things do you feel like are are showing up for me that I'm not necessarily making you feel old, but you're aware that it's this is because we're getting older. I mean, we you know, all the perenniopause obviously fits into that whole umbrella of how we're getting older. Um other ways I see, I feel my getting older. Um, a shift in my social life for sure. You know, family is priority, of course. Um, but when I do socialize, it's it's different now. Um, you know, it's not so much the fun night out. It's like this. It's what we do, it's sitting down for tea and and other things feel uh unwelcome sometimes, you know. Like I just I just want I I want my calm and I'm seeking my my peace, I think a little more than I I did when I was younger. Um feeling a little invisible in public spaces. Yeah. That's a good one. Yeah, and we are definitely gonna talk a bit about that too. That's a big one. Um what what do you what makes you I'm gonna rephrase this. Yeah. How do you feel invisible? To who? How do I feel invisible? Well, uh, so I mean, uh, you certainly don't get checked out anymore, right? Like that's those days were gone. Right. And that's something that you were just used to experiencing in life. Sure. Um even if it wasn't always welcome, I imagine. Oh, of course. I I this funny thing I used to do in in bars. If if a guy tried to talk to me, like, you know, like what's your name? My answer for that was John. And like I would say it was like the straightest face, like, my name is John, go away. Go away. Like, I don't know why, but that was my and it works. It works. So young ladies who might be out there listening to this, just be John and it's fine. We'll all go away. Um, but it just in even in public life, I feel like when you're young, everybody wants like, you know, the the wonder kin, the prodigy that, you know, and at this age, when you show up in places, it's like, well, what do you got? Who are you? You're a mom. If you don't have a sack of accomplishments on your back to point to and validate yourself, it's just kind of like, oh, yeah. So you're a mom. Okay. You know, and I, because I literally am a stay-at-home mom. So when I get that, what do you do question? Oh, I'm a mom. And people kind of roll their eyes. So now I've started putting on the defensive and say, Well, what do you do? I look at them and I go, absolutely nothing. And then weirdly, they comfort me and they're like, Oh, but you're a mom, and that's so funny. Oh my god, that's so funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So now you just say, I'm a podcast host. You know, I see and I'm a podcast host, but uh absolutely nothing is kind of fun. It's funny to like that. Just look them right in the white to the eye. Yeah, absolutely not. Unapologetically. I don't think what I do with my life. Do I need to like have output to be worthy as like a human? Like what I need to do a thing. I just I'm here. We're programmed that way. It's fine. Yeah, the invisibility thing, I feel like it's me as a mom, I feel like I'm mom, and that's sort of all I'm seen at. Or but but I did talk to my husband about this. We had an interesting conversation about this. So I'm gonna tell you my perspective, and then I'm gonna tell you what he said. Yeah. So I feel like even if I guess dressed up, I mean, the we first talked about this about maybe a year ago. We were having tea, and I said, I just had we had this event last night. Yeah, that I got dressed up. I was in a dress, which never happens. I was in heels, which never ever, ever happens. And I was like, I feel like it looks pretty good. And then I felt invisible. Yes. Like no one saw me, no one looked at me, no one thought I looked like of course I'm just imagining what everybody else is thinking, but I don't know. I maybe 20 years ago I used to walk into a room and feel like people noticed me. For sure. So, and part of it is I'm running after the kids at the event. I'm mom at that event. I'm not like just Heather feeling great, looking awesome. You know, I'm just running after my kids. We don't get to be elegant. No, there's no elegance in me running after my daughter because she's gonna jump in something dirty and I, you know. Yeah, yeah. So I think it's that. It's about the the the mom thing and just kind of being in that. And in my normal daily life, I don't dress up. For anyone that knows me, I'm in yoga pants. I for you know what I do for a living. I'm if I dress up, it's because I'm wearing jeans and sneakers and I've showered. So I'm not trying, I'm not like making an effort in the world. Sure. But so I don't really think about it. But when I did dress up, then it was like, wait a minute, I made an effort. People are supposed to notice me, I made an effort. Right. So that's why I felt it that day. Um, so I told my husband about this conversation. And he said, I forgot how he worded it, but he basically said, you're busy doing other things. People are looking at you, but you just don't notice it. Okay. I was like, really? Are you sure? He's like, No, I know people have looked at you and you're just busy running after the kids or doing whatever. I was like, oh. So it made me rethink the whole thing that maybe my priorities are just totally different and I'm just not caring or thinking about it. You're not except for the one day where I make an effort and I want people to notice to notice. Right. I know it gave me a bunch to think about. So I don't even know. Like if yeah, have our priorities just shifted away from that external validation. But then we I mean, I don't know. I don't, I don't know. I don't know. Like I'm I'm fairly tall and I used to be extremely thin. Yeah. So for me, that there's there's some kind of loss of identity in the waking that shifted from my self-perception. Yes. But I moved through the world in my younger years, constantly being told, are you a model? You should be a model, you're so pretty. You know, and now that is not no, that's a that's a real reality. That's the whole like pretty privilege thing when you're young and beautiful, and people see that as a your value, not your only value, but either they see it as your value or you realize I'm getting all this validation from really looking good. So I'm gonna take that on as my value. And then you lose that because we all get older. And it's funny because I resented it. I resented it then, and what I gained from losing it is female friendships. See, because gain is so much better than what I gained. It's so much better than what I mean. I lost free coffee with my bagel, but I gained deep female friendships. Yeah, it's better. Yeah, it's so much better. There is a loss, there's something real there. Yeah, yeah. It's a change. It when the world's perception of you changes, that's gotta in some way change your perception of your yourself, yeah. Yeah. We're probably gonna have to get deeper into that at some point. Yeah, absolutely. But um, so the next thing I want to talk about is the things we are doing, not to not age, but to make the process more graceful. Let's just say fight it a little bit. Fight it so tell me yours, because I feel like you're more ahead of the curve on this than I am. Because I'm older, thank you for saying that. No, I I don't lie, but no, no, that's just fine. Like I am I am a little bit. Let's see. Um, I mean, I've always taken care of my skin, but I'm one of those people that not this didn't come from a healthy place. When I was 19, I was so scared of I had a lot of anxiety, I was scared of everything bad. So the idea of skin cancer or something happening to my skin made me put on SPF every single day from the age 19 up. So when people are like, wear SPF every day because it's good for you, I was just wearing it because I was scared. Sure. So, but that's worked out well for me. Yeah. Yeah. Um, so you know, like that's a thing that's just sort of a natural part of like protecting my skin, which makes it not age. Yes, great. But people do think I'm younger than I am. So I'm like, great, that anxiety worked out for me in terms of my skin. Fantastic. Um I am not doing Botox. Okay. I just would like to make this announcement now for myself for the world, because about two years ago, I had a friend that did it. And I was so shocked that this particular friend got Botox. And I was like, she got Botox. She's into all natural stuff. Like, I thought she was someone that would embrace aging gracefully, even if she wasn't happy with how her face looked, but she got Botox. I was like, she got Botox. That means I'm allowed to get Botox. Of course you are. So then do I want to, do I want to do it? Um so I I really considered it. I like looked at different places, I thought about it. I don't like the wrinkles on my forehead. I just, I don't, I'm never gonna like them. But I'm just scared of doing it. Okay. So I think my fear of doing it is um gonna stop me on that. So I'm trying to embrace the natural way of things and embrace people like Kate Winslit, who I love, who's like out there in the world now talking about why are we doing all these things to our face? Why are we so so scared to age naturally? And just really being like, she's got a microphone and she is using it, and I love it and I love her. So I'm trying to have more of that coming into my brain and seeing more of that. And I don't know, guys, if I get Botox in five years, just ignore what I said and know that people are allowed to change their minds. Absolutely. But as of right now, I'm I'm not doing that. Okay. Um, I mean, I work out a lot, but that's always been who I am. Right. You know, like I've always been a movement person. I started as a dancer and then I came into Pilates and yoga and all the things. So I work out almost every day, but I it's also for my mental health. Right. So, but I feel like that gives me yeah, like it gives me sort of a youthful feeling and I feel strong and all of that. So that but that's a natural thing for me. You know, when I think about things I'm doing specifically to fight the aging thing. Right. I don't know. Like those are just natural things for me to do. I eat supplements and things like that. Yeah, I do take a lot of supplements, but I don't know that they're really to help me with the aging thing. I don't know about that. Okay, I did just start HRT though. Okay. So and we can we're gonna have a whole other episode about hormone replacement and whatever, and I know it's not for everyone and not everyone's gonna do it. And, you know, this is just what I'm doing. Yep. Um, but I just started it a few weeks ago because I'm getting to that point I'm in perimenopause, and you know, I don't know when menopause comes, but I'm I do feel a little more energy from it so far. And I'm pretty committed to having these hormones, the bioidentical hormones, they're not, you know, as terrible as they could be, and they're not the same things that our parents our mothers have the option of. Right. So I'm committed to having those hormones in my body as I get older to help me feel strong and youthful and like protect my heart and my bones and all of that. So I'm that's like the biggest thing right now, I guess, is like I jumped on the HRT train. Um, what else? What am I doing? I don't know. I'm like eating protein, like everyone says you have to do to keep my bones strong and healthy and build the muscles. It's work. It's a lot of eating well. I'm I'm I'm like I'm I love to snack and eat cookies, so I'm like making myself not do that as much and I'm a little cranky about it. Just do the eighty twenty. Exactly. Okay, no, there's definitely something every day in my life. Yeah. I need some like why live forever if it's the struggle. Like why not there's no point if I'm not eating chocolate. Like, why am I? Like, what are we fighting for? No. Yeah. We need to have some joy. Another day of counting my macros since we're doing that. Exactly. No, there needs to be chocolate in those macros, thank you, Ver. Yeah, yeah. I think you've you've earned it, huh? So I don't know. I feel like that's my answer, I guess. Am I missing anything? No, I mean that's we're just we're not here to be encyclopedias, right? We're just covering our. I think that's I think that's my reality. We're not. So how about you? Um, okay, so funny you mentioned your your early SPF anxieties. Well, I didn't have the anxiety, as we've previously discussed. I was, you know, a teenage got. So I, well, all my friends were in tanning beds, I was avoiding the sun. Wow. Very easy. Yeah. So I think that worked out for you. That worked out for me too. Um, different, different approach, same results. Um, I, unlike Heather, am not afraid of anything. I love dress. I love science. I love medicine. I love it all. I love natural too. And I think there's a place for things. The only thing holding me back is budget. Um Botox, you mean? Botox. I want you to do it so that I can see it and then you can tell, and then I can. So it's here's the thing though, I'm not so good with like routines and like keeping and Botox isn't like if it was like a one and done, I'm just but you have to like keep every couple months going. Yeah. So and I am kind of on this weight loss journey and I'm already seeing like the turkey skin. You're not this amazing half people that are listening. I know, but like it looks like a little like I don't know, a little sherberty. It's not great. Um, I just feel like when I'm done, okay, got it, when I get to the goal, I kind of maybe would do like actually a lift. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh my so it is that weird that I'm so excited about it now. Come watch. Maybe we can film it any part of the podcast. Love it. Yeah. So like we're like a couple of years off from that. But then like it's just like a one-time midlife reset. Okay. And then kind of let it go from there. Got it, got it. Because you can do like low, like lift the lower half of your face to meet the top. Yeah. And I was like, I mean, you know, I have a bit of a five hat, so I'm hoping they can pull my hairline down and think like that. Like I can maybe get to a point. Yeah. So that that's I'm not afraid to do boat, like I would do it. But again, like how deeply do I want to fall to vanity too? No. That I'm just like now I have an have like another thing to do. So like I feel like the lift, give me like a little reset, shave off a couple years, and then accept it from there. Because, you know, if I get that done at like 50-ish, and then I can keep those results kind of hold me till 60, then I feel like then you're good. You gotta be ready to let it go. Yeah. Like sometimes I see older women and they look great, but you can tell they're tanning and they've got extensions and they've got and they're like 70, and I'm like, you just look older and like you did all the stuff you're gonna do. Like, just sit down. Like, just like I want to reach a point where I try like and like my fucks are dwindling, but I want to reach the point where they're all gone. Yes. And I don't want to be 70 in platforms. Like I just want to sit down and and not like let myself I want to physically take care of myself. Like I've kind of recommitted to that. I used to be a big gym girl, health girl. Um, when we get into loss and and fertility issues, we can talk about how I lost myself and all that. Um, so I'm committed to climbing back, going back to the gym, getting back into yoga, doing those healthful things um as part of anti-aging. But again, like as just part of like a love for myself. Yeah. Um so yeah, but I think at a point we just have to at some point we have to just accept just the direction we're going in. Be like embrace like the circle of life of being the old hag and like the wise old crone. One more thing, and this is specifically about getting older. I dye my hair. I was ready to let it go all gray. Okay. And I was like, I want to embrace it. I've seen people go all gray a little bit, but I didn't like how my gray was coming in. I was like, oh, it wasn't looking, it just I'm I'm not right. I don't love how this is going. Right. Um, so I decided I'm just dyeing my hair and I don't know for a couple of years until I'm beautiful. But that that's one thing that's very specifically. It takes maintenance. I do not like going to like have to do it every so often. It's just annoying. So I'm gonna let that go at some point, but I'm just not ready. I'm not there. So I'm dyeing my hair until I decide otherwise. It's beautiful. I like my son likes to look at it and be like, whoa, you have so many gray hairs. And I guess I do. Thank you so much. I used to be a hair dyer for fun. Yeah. That's different. Yeah. Well, yeah. So, but then I hit a point where I realized I still hadn't gone gray. So I'm like, let me embrace these natural years. I don't have many of them left. Yeah. And I'm still not going gray. But Heather, don't be jealous. It's just falling out and still. Like it's not turning gray. It's just feeling the keys out. See you later. Um, so I'm kind of toying with the idea of doing extensions. Oh, that's fine. Um, and I don't see myself doing it long term, but kind of like fun because it's Sam, like it's just annoying and then it's like a thing. But like I want to have one time in my life where I just have good hair and I've just never had good hair. Long, beautiful, long, long, beautiful, luscious. Like I've always had this like very thin, fun, very straight hair. So like I just want one last hurrah of like one opportunity. So I think that may come soon. That may come sooner than later. And then maybe like after summer. Because I want to, I don't want to, I don't want to not for hot summer. Not for summer. It's a lot of heat and sweat. But I like you don't know like my hair is thinning so much, I start to feel like the sun on my scalp. I think that's a really common thing with getting older, which I have experienced a little bit too, and I'm not loving. No, I'm not loving it. But I've heard this from a lot of special heather. It's because it's curly, it's not super thick, it's just curly. Okay. So it hides a lot. It looks crazy. It gets big. It gets big. Okay, so let's talk a little bit about some of the really good things about aging. Sure. Because there is a lot. I feel a lot more confident now in just who I am as a human being. I feel like my priorities are more, I don't know, there's better. Now that I think it's just being a mom that just centers. If there was an if there was, yeah, I'm just more grounded, more centered because I have kids to focus on. Um I'm so I've always heard about people just giving less of a shit as they get older. And I feel like I didn't feel that for a long time, but I'm really getting there now. I'm getting really much better at not caring about what other people think of me. Because that used to be a huge thing that would huge paralyze me sometimes. It would take over caring about what people thought about me. It affected how I saw myself, it affected interactions with other people, and I am definitely I'm not fully there yet. I've seen people who like don't give a fuck at all. And I love that and admire that. I cannot wait. But I do feel like I'm getting closer because I definitely give less of a shit than I ever did before about other people's opinion of me. Which is which I oh, it's so good. I love it. I love it. Yeah. So I can just feel more like I can go out in the world and I just don't care what you think. Yep. As long as I'm okay with myself, I'm being kind, I'm living with integrity, I can go to sleep at night knowing that I'm a good person who did her best today. No. So good. I love that. It's a good feeling. I know. Okay, tell me yours. What are your good things? Very similar. Um I I have a lot of anxiety and I still kind of struggle with that. But it it's helped. It's helped me just kind of and and to a point almost realizing like nobody cares. Like nobody. That's like the the plus side of being invisible. Yeah, right. It's like nobody knows. Nobody cares. I think another big transition for me has been becoming uh so much more woman-centered. I I I definitely don't even have conversations with men, like other than my husband, really. Um and it's so good. Yeah, the female friendship. Female friendships are just and and I think being united in motherhood changes the depth of those friendships and changes um because we just really show up like in front of each other so raw sometimes, and you just can't hide what's really happening with you. Um, and that's such a beautiful thing. But I did have um, did have my first like experience of like, this sounds so dumb. Um of like getting good customer, so like dem not demanding, but like not settling for yeah, and this is like the dumbest thing, but I never like five years ago in my life could have done this. So I'm class mom for one of my kids. They had a project, they needed tiles, like four by four white tiles. So I go into Home Depot for these darn tiles, and I like find them like up on the board, so I get the number, it's like A27, whatever, and I'm looking through the boxes, and this guy comes over, he's like, We're closing the aisle now. You're gonna wait 15 minutes. And I start to shuffle off, like he said. Then I'm like, wait, what? That's so dumb. And I'm like, um, excuse me, I just need, you know, box A27. And he goes, Oh, okay. And he hands me this box. And tiles are really heavy, yeah, like and hard. So I okay, and like I go shuffling off with this giant box, and I'm like, oh, but I only need 50, and there's a hundred in here, and also I can't carry this much longer. So I'm I'm shuffling. And I see two employees who work there, and like there's a man talking and a woman, and I and I walk up to them and they're like, Oh, can we help you? And I just ignore him and I look straight at her and I'm like, I only need 50 of these. Can I only get 50? And she's like, Yeah, sure. And she like proceeds to like roll over a cart and put the thing in the cart, and she's like, Let me get you a bucket. And then a normal Sarah would have been like, Oh, I got this, like this, Sarah, like, let her working here. Yeah, like it's okay. You're not a problem, and it's not rude to let someone help you. And that was so hard for me to just accept help in like the smallest way. Yeah. Um, so she counted out all these talents, made sure they were perfect, put them in and then I go to like the checkout. She takes me to I'm like, I'm like, oh, I can scan these individually, and she's like, Oh, and she gets somebody else to come over, and the woman does the whole like checkout thing for me. And I'm like, This is wonderful. Like accepting help, and then that was hard help from and they were so good. Yeah. Um, so like I walked out and I called me. I'm like, I just got princess treatment at Home Depot. And he's like, What do you mean? So like I tell him, he's like, Oh, so like their minimum customer service, like what they're supposed to be doing to help you. Yeah, you let them help you. Yeah. So that was that was a B. That was like a big You like let go of this I do it all to be hyper competent and no one can know that I ever need anything. Like, why I'm afraid to like let people know. Yeah. Like that I have a question or don't know what I'm doing. I'm like constantly performing like this. I can do it all. So letting that go and letting that drop, that was that's great. It was delicious. Yeah. So just made me think of the older sister in Encanto. Like, yeah, she needs help. Let other people help her. They told you, that's nice. Go sit down or whatever. She's like, Yeah, she's like juggling donkey. That's yeah, donkey. My life is juggling donkeys, and I have to let them go. You need to. Yeah. That is the piece. We should make that the title. Put down the donkeys. Put the donkey. Put down the donkey. Let the Home Depot buy get it for you. It's gonna be by code for you. You need to let some put down the donkey. That's it. Okay, I'm gonna read some um listener. Oh, our unravelers. So I did, I did a post on Facebook um asking people if they felt invisible after the age of 40. And I got some great responses. So um one person said she did feel invisible before, like in perimenopause before menopause, and then she got to menopause and she just like kind of embraced who she was then and just felt confident in being herself and not caring about what people thought about her or how she looked or whatever. And she felt really good then. Okay. Love that. Um, someone said she became invisible mochi had kids, same kind of idea. Like she just became mom. Yep. And she got used to it, but that was a weird adjustment. Um, and then a few people said, Hell no, I don't feel invisible at all. And this was at least three or four people said, I feel really confident in who I am now. I know who I am. I don't care what other people think of me. Um, I don't at all feel invisible because I'm like they're walking through the world world in a confident way. So I was like, awesome. I love that. That's great. Um and then a few people commented on how they don't maybe they're not looked at as much or like checked out by men if they're into men versus women, you know, whoever who your chosen person who you would at some point want to look at you. Yeah, yeah. Um, but the upside of that is like not having to deal with creepy men ogling you, which is so nice. Yeah. Because that's the other side of that. That's it's an experience all women have. And I don't miss some guy telling me to smile on the street or I know he's checking out my ass right as I'm walking by him, or any of the creepy other stuff. People used to comment on my toes. It's weird. Well, I you know, and that's an interview, but I there's like some statistic out there that like the number one cause of death in women between like the ages of like 12 and 44 is a romantic party. It was men. Yeah. And I was like, oh, I'm just aging out of your face. Likely to kill killed by a man. Yeah. That's exciting. So that's really exciting. Which bonus? That's another major milestone. I should have like a big party this year. I am less likely to be killed by a man as of today. Yes, because he wants to mean I said yes. Yeah. Oh my god. So that should be the name of the podcast. I just aged out of being likely to be killed by a man. Oh my God. All right. Well, thank you for listening, everyone. This was fun. I really liked talking to you. Heather, I love our tea time and I'd love that we've invited all of our friends to come now. Yes, and and strangers who are all gonna be our friends now because we're all gonna be in the community. Well, they're gonna know all our darkest secrets. I know. So we're might we shouldn't be friends then. Yeah. All right. Um, please share this with your friends, other people who you think could relate to it. Sh just send them all the podcast, and um we can't wait to do it again next week. Yeah, we'll talk to you next week, guys. Bye. That was awesome. 36 minutes.