Why am I Here? (Seriously, why did I walk into this room?)

Brain fog, forgotten words, mood swings, disrupted sleep, and all the other joys of perimenopause—this week we’re talking about the symptoms that make us laugh, cry, and occasionally question our sanity. We share our own experiences, compare notes on the most frustrating symptoms, and remind each other that we’re not alone in this wild transition. If you’ve ever walked into a room and immediately forgotten why, this episode is for you.

The Weekly Unravel is a podcast about motherhood, midlife, perimenopause, and everything in between. Join friends Heather and Sarah as they navigate life’s twists and turns with tea, humor, honesty, and absolutely no expertise.

Follow the show so you never miss an episode, and connect with us on Instagram @theweeklyunravelpodcast.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the weekly unravel, where we talk about life, motherhood, and midlife out loud with tea and humor and zero expertise. Here we are. How was your week? Okay, do you want the real answer to that? Of course.

unknown 0:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 0:19

Um, I'll give you some good, I'll give you some good and then some not so good. Okay. Give me the good. So good. Um, well, the last couple of days, not whole week. Last couple of days have been really nice weather, and my kids get up really early, which has not always been my favorite thing. But we've been getting up and we've been like going outside and playing basketball and biking and rollerblading all before they go to school. So good. And it's been amazing because it like gets us all up and moving. We're not just sitting around watching TV or driving each other crazy in the house or the kids driving each other crazy. They're they're really into like going outside and moving, and I'm playing basketball, I'm throwing up football. That's okay. I don't care about sports. But it's been actually fun. Yeah. And I've been enjoying it. So that has been really nice in the last couple of days. It's a really great way to start the morning. For sure. So that's good. That's very good. Um so I'm gonna expand on this later in the episode. Sure. But last night I had a seriously bad hot flash, and I think it's the third one I've ever had. I did not enjoy that. No, there's terrible. So I'm gonna expand on that later because our topic today really goes into that, but I'm just gonna share that that was not fun for me. No, didn't didn't really like that. Okay, yeah. How about you? How's your week? So it was a good week. Um, my good, I went to a wedding. It was my cousin's wedding. Uh, love my cousin, he's like a doll of a human being. And um, are you okay? I'm all water. She needs her water. Let's turn her in. It's okay. We can get right now. We can leave it right in. Who cares? We drink water, we're human. Um, so anyway, to my cousin's wedding, and it was great and it was lovely, but it also I was very excited, okay, because you know we get so much doom and gloom in the world, and you're always hearing us people aren't getting married. Whatever. So my cousin's 37, his wife is 33, I think. It's a little bit older, getting married. Um, but when they gave their speeches about why they chose each other, oh I love the things that they said were so poignant and beautiful and mature. You know, she talked about how seeing him reset her nervous system. Um, observing how he acted in moments like he broke a dish and stayed perfectly calm. And those are the things you can appreciate about a man when you are in your 30s. Yeah. Right? Like he resets my nervous system. When you were 20, did you want your nervous system to feel calmer? Was it like, oh man, he gets me all hot and juicy. So I walked away from that feeling like the world is good. Like we're heading to a good place where we're kind of choosing our lives a little more wisely. So I love that. Apart from just being so happy for them and love them, um, it just gave me a nice little shimmer of of hope for the world. We need a little hope. Isn't hope good? Yeah, it is, but I love hope. Otherwise, how do we do it? Yeah. Um, my my bad is weird. Um so I had a couple things come up where I found myself doing favors for people, which is fine. It was for people I love, and none nothing that I was asked for in the scheme was a big deal, nor did I mind doing it at all, right? But cumulatively, I start to feel a resentment, but not at anyone in particular, like a to the universe. I don't know. You know, I've always said that I'm not the friend you invite to the party, I'm the friend you call the next day to clean it up, yeah, or nurse you through your hangover. Um, and I think I have some resentment about that in my life. Not just being that person. Right, and who am I gonna be ending? Right, but also I love being that person because I I don't have a ton of friends. I have really good friends. You know, the people who are in my life, I love them so deeply, and I truly would do anything for them. So I'm not mad at myself for wanting to help people, and I'm not mad at them for asking. So I don't even know what I'm mad at. But uh, you know, I think it's just that combo of of being the caretaker and the mom. So yeah, so that I just have that little feeling of like, I'm frustrated, but at what and who, I don't know. Right. Maybe deep down you just want people doing some more things for you, but it doesn't mean you don't want to be who you are. Right. But maybe you wish someone else was giving to you a little bit more. Yeah, I'm just being a chair psychologist right now. That's that's why I love you. Or maybe I just want to get invited to the party once in a while, you know? Yeah, you know, just be the cleanup girl. Fair, but fair so yeah, so that was my but other than that, it's been a pretty, pretty good week. But let's talk about that hot flash, Heather. Oh my god. Can that be your new nickname? Hot flesh? It sounds good. It sounds better than what it actually was. So the topic we're talking about today is perimenopause, all the symptoms, how annoying it is. I mean, the title is why am I here? Seriously, why did I walk in? Seriously, why am I here? It's like the existential crisis. So, first I'm gonna I'm gonna talk about that, which is my most annoying perimenopause symptom. Okay. I cannot find words for anything. My husband expects this, he is rightfully second-guessing the things that I say. My kids are like, Mom, that's not a table. Mom, that's not a door.

SPEAKER_01 5:44

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 5:45

Um, it's maddening because I feel like I'm a smart woman who knows important ideas and concepts, and I can have complicated thoughts, but I cannot tell you what that thing is that separates the house from the outside. Yeah, yeah. And then maybe 10 minutes later, I'll be like, that's a door. It's a door. Yeah. Yeah, I can't. I could describe it to you, but I I can't tell you what it is. And it's maddening. And I feel like in those moments, I am so I'm partially mad at myself because I'm like, I know this. I'm not, of course, really mad at myself because that's silly. My brain and my hormones are doing this weird thing, but it's such a frustrating feeling inside that I just want to scream when I can't find the word. So that is my most annoying symptom. It's been happening for probably over a year. I hate it. It's just it's maddening. Yeah. I I haven't said enough. I there's not enough enough words to express how much I hate it. Basically. So when when one of my boys was about two, two, a little before, his speech wasn't really moving along like as fast as I guess his his brothers was, and he would get like really frustrated and he started biting.

unknown 7:00

Oh yes.

SPEAKER_00 7:01

So, like that, like that's how mad not getting your words. Are you like ready to start biting, father? If I was allowed to do it, yes, right? Yes. Actually, this morning I got in the car and I was really frustrated about frustrated about something, and I told my son, I like cursed a little bit, and then I was like, okay, I need a minute to just take some deep breaths and calm myself. I just need a minute. Yeah. So he was a little like confused and concerned and didn't give me this minute. Of course not. No. So I said, okay, I'm going in the car. So I got in the car to take the minute, and I screamed, and then I breathed, and then I got out, and I felt a little bit better. Okay. But I just there's a lot of screaming I want to do these days, and it's not always appropriate to do it. That's what pillows are for. I don't I don't love the pillow scream. No, I know. You want to be released into the universe. Right. Primal scream therapy. Yeah. Yeah. So that, and that goes along with, I think, well, the why did I walk into this room? Why did I just pick up this object? Why did I just open this door? I I just put down my phone two minutes ago. Where is my phone? I have absolutely no idea where my phone is, and I was literally holding it two minutes ago. Right. That all of those, the brain fog, the the the where is my phone? Oh my god, all the time. But now, and do you I always have my ringer off also? Yeah, me too. I know. So it doesn't help. Like, why do I why am I self-sabotaging like that? Like, at least leave the ringer on. You know you're gonna lose it. Yeah. And like I, and like my husband gets so annoyed with me because he's like, again? Again. So now I just like try to deny it, and he'll like see me stealthily like strutting through the house. And he's like, what are you doing? What are you looking for? And like, nothing. Nothing. Mind your business. I have everything that I need. I don't need anything from you. I definitely didn't lose my phone again. Yeah, I think my husband's come to accept that. Just that's good. I'm gonna lose my phone all the time.

SPEAKER_01 8:51

All the time.

SPEAKER_00 8:52

But and and him second-guessing the words, like, yes, you have to. If I tell you that I put the dishes in the washing machine, like you should take a moment to make sure I didn't do that. Please don't, yeah. Please don't. So yeah, anyway, that's my most annoying. That's very frustrating. Do you have one? Is that your most annoying? The forgetfulness. Yeah, the forgetfulness in the brain fog. And so when I was young, my grandma used to always like mix up everybody's name.

unknown 9:18

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 9:18

And she's my my Irish grandma, sir. It was like Colleen, Maureen, Christy, bluh. And and she would go through like the whole roster before she landed on your actual name. And like I remember being a little kid and that was so hurtful. Like, grandma, don't you know who I am? I call my kids by their friends' names now. Like, I don't they made fun of me this year at St. Patrick's Day. We do the leprechaun trap. Okay, Heather. Tell me why I kept calling it the unicorn trap. Oh my god. Every time I knew I wasn't talking about a horse. I knew I was talking about a little man in green, but I kept calling it a unicorn, and I received no no mercy for that. So yeah, the forgetfulness and the brain fog for sure. So annoying. Yeah. But the emotional freaking roller coaster that I am on with everything. It's like, and I'm already an emotional person, but it's like the cranks it to 11 now. Like my sad is so sad. Like I feel like my last molecule of serotonin evaporating, like poof, and flack. And then my husband speaks, and then it's rage, you know. It's that is that has really been um unnerving, yeah, to say the least.

unknown 10:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:38

We do plan to do a whole episode on why am I so angry? Yes. But so we're not we don't have to get into the body. But it's like the gaps of the so but and so I got a combo of the two. That this was so much fun um between the forgetfulness and the emotions. So I am sitting home one day, and it had kind of been like a crazy week, and this was a day that I'm like, it's a me day, I'm gonna relax, it's gonna be so good. And I um sit down and I see that I just got an email from my son's teacher, and she said, Hi, just want to let you know I think it's okay. But he left gym saying his neck hurts, and you know, he's not really a complainer, so I just wanted to let you know, and I said, Thank you so much for letting me know, I'll be right there. And Heather, when I tell you, I could walk to my children's school and be there in under five minutes, okay? So I email this woman and I'm kind of waiting for her to email me back and say, Okay, you know, whatever. And then I start doing something, and then I start doing something else, and then I decide to get in the shower, and time goes by, and I lose my phone, of course, because I'm looking at my phone, it's not an important thing in my life. Um, then I go look at my phone and I see a missed call and I recognize it as the school's number. Wait, pause, I have a question. Yes, had you just completely forgotten completely. Oh my god, you just totally forgot. Like I was like, okay, okay, she'll email me back, and then I'll go like in the meantime. I start doing the thing, and then the other thing that I had just been thinking, Heather completely out of my brain completely out of my brain. But then when I see the missed call from the nurse's office, it all comes back to me.

SPEAKER_01 12:12

Oh no.

SPEAKER_00 12:13

I fly to that school so fast, so fast, humiliated. I email his teacher, I'm so sorry, like I feel like the worst mom ever. And and of course she never emailed me back after that. So now I'm like, oh my gosh, she hates me. She thinks I'm a derelict's parent. Like, what was she? You know, she drinking in the daytime. Like, what's happening? My poor son, he's like, Mommy, what took you so long? They sent me out of the nurse's office and back to the I was like, oh honey, mommy was very far away at a store when you called and traffic was so bad. Because he knows how do I look in his beautiful face and said, I completely forgot that you existed and possibly had a broken neck. No, like, how do I look him in his beautiful face? That's a just lie. A lie to save his soul. Oh, okay. So, yeah, and thank you, Perimanopause. Thank you very much. That's terrible. Thank you for that humiliating moment. But now, so yeah, so that, but then also my my emotions are amped up. Yeah. So not only am I like completely humiliated, now my heart is breaking. I'm looking at my child. Oh god, I've shattered his life, he'll never trust again. But everything is just that 211. The roller coaster. So oh god. That's been uh that's an adventure. So super fun. Yeah, I've been getting really ragey like the week before my period. Yep. And some months are worse than others. Sure. Um, but it's it's really a thing. It's like I'm just so angry at everybody and everything, and it's not all the time, but when it does come up, I'm I'm just having that extra layer of wondering like, am I angry because now I'm resentful that I'm doing all the things that I do for the rest of the month, but right now I have less tolerance for it. Right. I feel more unappreciated. I I don't know. I don't know, you know, it's like it's something that I want to explore because is it just a message from my body saying, hey, you do all this stuff for other people, and this is a week that you actually need to focus on you. I might be making this up. But it sounds better than the alternative. But it actually makes sense a little bit. There's gotta be some biological imperative of what these hormones are doing, right? Like maybe it's it's just a message letting me know you actually need to do less this week. Right. And you need to get everybody else to step up more and leave you alone more. Right. And I'm screaming because I need you to listen to me and take care of me. I'm just gonna go with that. Yeah, because I like that better than the alternative, which is it's randomly hormonal rage. I just it might be driven by hormones. Hormones, but what is like that there's some evolutionary, I don't know. Right, I don't know. We're gonna find out the answer. Let's call, let's call Harvard, get them on it. Don't know the answer, but we're committed to finding out, or just saying, hey, there's a reason. Are you guys? I think that if you went through my Google search history, yeah, you could probably track my PMS to a 28-day cycle of Googling how to file for divorce in New York State. Like, I think it happens on regularly every four weeks. You can time it out, like you know when it's gonna happen. It's good, it's good to know that this is what it's about. And then two weeks goes by, and then it's a Google search for like best date night restaurant. So, you know. I also have this existential thing. I remember like two months ago, we were got together for our weekly tea, and I was like, nothing matters. Why are we doing this? Everything is pointless, like dark, dark, deep existential crisis. And then the next week I was like, I'm having the greatest week. I feel so good about it. So, but it's that week before where I just yeah, that existential thing was happening. It's like, what is the point of any of this? Why am I doing this? Does anybody care? Just dark, and then hormones lift and then things shift, and that and that comes in. It's really frustrating. Very frustrating. So I've been getting like before my period, like the depression, whatever, but every night, like every night clockwork between like 3 and 4 a.m. I wake up in like existential dread, and it's this like my mortality is sitting on my chest. Like, so what do you do? You are going to be 44 years old. You don't have a lot of money saved, like like these things that like you know, like I really thought I'd be a much better baker by now. Like, yeah, whatever, like all like those should like shooting yourself, you know, shooting yourself at midnight. It's so much fun. Um just go back to sleep. It's like when you're a kid and you wake up from a nightmare and you just pull the blanket over your head and tell yourself it's not real. Like that's what I'm doing. It's not real. Time is a construct, I've got plenty of time. Oh god. Yeah, so that's been uh I know there's like the 3 a.m. Perimenopause Club.

unknown 17:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:11

Like if I'm ever awake, then I'll go on, I don't know, like threads or something. Right. It's like who's up for the 3 a.m. club? And there are all these 40-something-year-old women, like, I'm here, I'm here. Oh my gosh, I have to look at it. I'll show you, I'll let you know. I'm not on threads that much, but it is kind of a fun place. Yeah, yeah. I haven't really I haven't really ventured there. So I ventured, you know, because we say we talk here with you know no expertise, but I like to like try to know a little bit of what I'm speaking or hear other people's stories. So talking about perimenopause, I like we do like a little online search, like just to get some something in my pocket to talk about. And I stumbled upon a Reddit or subreddit and um about talking about perimenopause and symptoms, and the the subreddit that it was was family medicine. So these weren't women talking, these were providers, these were physicians, physician assistants, nurse practitioners, and they had no idea what they were talking about. And I'm not saying that as in like I'm judging you medical professionals and saying you don't know what you're talking about. I'm saying it as in they were saying they had no idea what they were talking about. I think it started off with like a family medicine doctor asking, Hey, you know, I have all these like women in their like late 30s and early 40s asking about hormone replacement. Is this like a thing? Like, or is this just the newest TikTok trick?

SPEAKER_01 18:37

Oh my god, that's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 18:38

Yeah, and some of them were like, Yeah, I don't know, like you gotta test. And some people were like, don't test, treat the sim, and there was no consensus on best practice, there was no consensus on best research cited. There was just kind of like, I really like this one doctor who's been on Instagram and like check out her stuff. And how sad is that? It's really sad, and I feel like I hear people talking about that a lot. They go to their OBs, they go to their general family doctor, and they're just blowing people women off. Yeah, like I don't know, you're in your 40s, you're not in menopause yet. Great, this is something we can do, you're fine, whatever it is, just blowing women off all the time. And I'm glad that more people are talking about this, right? But it's still not enough. Because doctors, if they're blowing women off like that, like how is how are we all supposed to be taking this seriously? Right. We're I think a lot of women are at the point where we're just demanding better now. Right. That's why people are stepping up because we are saying, fuck no, not anymore. We're done with you ignoring women over reproductive age and just being like, oh, whatever. Like, that's not where all the money goes. Doesn't go to us, doesn't go to research about what's going on in the 40s. And that's and that's where I think like that you talk about that perimenopause rage. Like, we do everything for all you people all the time. And fine, you can't plan me a nice birthday, fine, you can't plan me a nice mother's day, fine. I have to do all the Christmas shopping, fine, but god damn it, can you please figure out what's going on with my body? Like, don't throw me to the wolves. Yeah, it's we're just always society doesn't care. It's like, hey women, figure it out for me, for everyone, take care of the people, but and suck it out while you're out. Deal with it. Suck it out. Deal with it, don't be dramatic. You're so dramatic. Alright, so let me tell you about the hot flash sauce now. Tell me. Ready? Yes. So I think it's only my third official one.

unknown 20:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 20:38

And the other two I had were in the winter. So let's paint the picture. It was 20 degrees out, I got really hot, I just had like took off my layers, had on a tank top, and I just walked outside in the 20-degree weather, and I felt so much better. Like, okay, I'm aware that I'm having a hot lift, but I'm outside. Right, I feel breathing. I feel great. Okay, so that's been like four months or so since it was cold. So last night I went outside with my kids. We were like doing some basketball stuff, and it was warm last night, but like 70 something. It wasn't, I mean, it was muggy, it was warm, so I didn't really think anything of it. But I was sort of feeling really hot. Okay. Okay, didn't think didn't think anything of it. So we come back in the house. I'm still really hot, and I realized I'm the only one that's really hot. Okay, it is not winter, I don't know where to go. So I turned the AC up that's still not doing it. So then um I got an ice pack. You know, I got I got a frozen first thing I got was a frozen eye mask from the freezer. Like, okay, we're getting ready for bed now. So I'm helping, I think, my daughter get something out of her room. Um, I have an ice pack, I'm holding to my chest, I'm taking something of my daughters in another room. Still, it's not going away. I'm like, oh, this is it. It's like officially a hot flash. Okay, so then I just accept this is where I'm at. I go into my room by myself for a few minutes, I lie down with the frozen thing on me, and then I think. Like, okay, I get up. I'm gonna, it'll be gone soon. So I'm still walking around with my thing, and then I go into my my son's room to help him with something, and we accidentally bump heads. So now he's crying because he got hurt and I am just irritated. Like, I can't deal, I'm having a fucking hot flesh, and I'm feeling wearing people. Yeah, so I give him my ice thing, like here, put this on your head. I go to the freezer to get another ice pack. So now I have this pink unicorn ice pack holding on my chest. Okay. Wait, was it a leprechaun or a unicorn? It was an actual unicorn. It is my daughter's pink unicorn ice pack. So I'm holding that on my chest, trying to cover my son, but I also am saying, like, sorry, I'm having a hard time. Mom's really hot right now. I need to just go lie down. He was he was fine. We just bumped our heads. Yeah, he was fine. So I'm trying to parent everybody while I'm holding an ice pack on my body, and I just had a moment of like, this is ridiculous. Right. This is what parenting in perimenopauses right here. I'm still trying to do things for other people while I'm in the middle of like a hormonal heating up of my whole system. Right. This is crazy. It's so overloaded. Yeah. In every way. I could not cool down.

unknown 23:08

Right.

SPEAKER_00 23:08

It took a long time because it's not winter anymore. So I need new plans now for the summer. I need like to buy an ice. Actually, I would like if our listeners would help with this, because I am new to this. Great. Do you use anything to cool up your whole body really quickly when it's in the summer? Like, can I wrap myself in like, you know, like you have a heat wrap? I want like an ice wrap. Like cool towels or something. Like, well, I want a like a big cold thing you can put in the freezer and then you go wrap around you, like you do for like an hot thing. Yeah, exactly. Like an ice blanket or like a neck ice wrap. You're gonna have to get one of those big like freezer chests that you just skip blankets in. Well, my husband always wanted a cold plunge. And Okay. I mean, now maybe I should we support this now? Maybe we support it now. Maybe you just turn your pool into one. Yes. We just make it a cold plunge. Permanently. At least for the next maybe few years, or I don't, I don't know. The next five to ten. Oh my god, it was it was just ridiculous. It's well, it was maddening and I was irritated and I was pissed off. I was pissed off that I was having to still take care of other people while I'm clearly going through this moment of whatever it was where I really should have just been able to focus on myself. And what like gets me in those situations where like something's wrong with me, but you're still demanding. Don't you see me? Mm-hmm. Don't you look at me. I look at you and I clock when you gotta get your butt to a bathroom, right? Don't you look at me and see, gee, something's wrong with mom. Nobody asked why I had ices on my chest. Like, how bizarre is that? Oh, nobody. My kids they don't notice. Mom's being weird. Mom's weird. That's not okay. And it's not your kids. Like your kids. But I know. It's like I'm not I'm just here to serve. I'm not here to exist as my own human being. Yes. Yeah. And I'm also aware that I need to demand that more. I need because it starts with me. If I let this be the situation, it will be the situation. If I say, hey, actually, mom needs to go tear take care of herself right now. I need 10 minutes, then people are gonna have to accept that and figure everything out on their own. And I'm aware of that too. And I need to get better at saying that and like really owning it and not feeling guilty about it and not feeling like I've just scarred my children for life. Right. And failed them because I was having a hot flesh and I needed to not be serving them for five minutes. Yeah. That's the balance. That was uh that was fun last night. I'm so sorry, Heather. Yeah. Do you have any other fun symptoms? Do I have any other fun symptoms? They're all so fun. Um, hmm, so yeah, the the brain fog, the emotional roller coaster, the forgetfulness. Um, those are really that's what I've been living in right now. Yeah, that's what I've been living in. It hasn't, we haven't escalated. Oh, okay, no. There is also the shining hallway that my period has become. Oh. I'm sorry, sorry. No. Should there be a content warning on that? It oh my gosh. Yeah. It's like, I don't know if I'm gonna survive sometimes, and it's never been like that in the past. The amount of the amount that I you are losing? Yes, same. Yes, in the last couple of years. It's like, oh, that is new. You know, I I was used to like, you know, okay, I had a couple of kids. Maybe I I cough and I pee a little, but now I cough and it's like you're parting the red. Sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so graphic. Um, well, we we warned them. But this is yeah, so that's same. That's been new, which is part of why I have super low iron, and then I have to deal with that because my periods have gotten so heavy. Yeah. Yes, it's been in the last couple of years. The first two days, it's like just open the floodgates, and everything that's in me comes out. Oh my gosh, it's really bad. I mean, thank god I wake up at 3 a.m. for no reason because now I can go, you know, freshen up. Um, yeah, so that's been like that's probably the grossest. Sorry, that's a grossest. No, I actually that started early for me. Early meaning like it was years before the other things, like the brain fog and the other whatever. Yeah. Yes. It's just the general body maintenance has become much, honestly. Like, I liked just having this thing on cruise control and just showing up and like it's all good, you know. So that's you see it, like, okay. And it's interesting because my periods are really regular. Yeah, I'm not showing signs of it slowing down or stopping anytime soon. So, like, I could be doing this for a long time until I hit menopause. Yep. I don't know. Yay. Who knows? Aren't we lucky? Woo! I know, and that's so when I had originally, you know, started experiencing symptoms and brought it up to my doctor, that was her first and only question. Was well, are your periods regular? Yeah, they are.

unknown 28:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 28:13

Well, you're still pretty young, so everything's fine. Exactly. But like everything's not an appropriate answer for a doctor. I've lived in this body my whole life. I have known words for a very long time and now I don't know the words. Yeah. I have had a cell phone for a very long time and now I don't know where I've put it down. I've had my son for eight years, and now I forget that I'm supposed to go pick him up. Like, yeah. I it's not okay for a doctor to have that response. It's like, it's ask the next question. Yeah. Say, okay, so it's just not good enough. Even if you want to tell me, um, okay, so your regular periods and your age lead me to believe that perimenopause is not the cause. However, you're experiencing these things, so let's explore that. Or let's treat the symptoms that you are experiencing. And perimenopause, as they should know, could start in your late 30s or what you know, depending on all kinds of things. And funnily enough, like at that point, I don't even know that she had looked at my chart. Like, I think she was like assuming my not to say that I someone would assume I was younger, but like I always wanted to ask, like, how old do you think I am? Did you even look at my chart? Right. I think I was like, at that time, I was like 41, 42. I was like, I this is not unrealistic. And the fact is, it's not like there's nothing you can do. There are tons of supplements you can take. There's HRT now, which we can get into in another episode, but it's been really great for a lot of people. And so it's not like there's nothing that can be done. So, oh, you maybe impair your menopause. Okay, we'll just you know, suck it up and go through it and whatever. There's so many things that you can do these days. So for a doctor to brush it off or not even follow up or go further into questions or testing or anything is just irresponsible. Sure. So that makes me really mad. That makes me mad. Dismissive, so dismissive. Yeah. Yeah. Like pat I'm gonna pat you on the knee. It's okay. It's okay You're just a woman who's having some periods. Or you're probably you know, you're just stressed. Right. You're just you're stressed. It's it's just gonna be fine. But like I was saying earlier, it's like that's like feeding into the pattern of us always showing up for people and providing for people and being left to fend for ourselves at the end of it all. Yeah, and and this feels very much like that. Like, have this body please men make babies, and then when we're done with that purpose of you, think you're out that busted thing now. Exactly. I know it's true. It's a bigger societal issue, right? We care we first we want you, and there's sex appeal, and then we want you to make babies, and then we want you to raise those babies, and then uh, you know, you're not as useful anymore. Right. So we're not gonna study what's going on with you, and we're not really gonna pay that much attention to you. Right, because your value has been spent, so yeah, whatever. Yeah, like at like I don't think we should all be raging all the time based on that. So the rage is that justifies and that's the end, and that's our conclusion. We can just because we're realizing how right fucked we've all been and how much you don't care about us, and we're angry. Yeah, angry is the healthiest thing we could be. Look at our options, right? We might as well just get angry and get shit done. Absolutely. Yeah, I like this, Heather. I think that's a really good conclusion to solve. We are justified in being angry, so justified the enraged. Fuck you. The end. Thank you all for joining. Oh, yeah, we're not thanking you all for joining us yet. We're gonna get into it. I forgot about yeah, we had our our unravelers share some of their. So we asked again for you to share with us your most annoying perimetopause symptoms. And there are some really interesting things that were shared. Really? So yeah, I want to share some things. Okay, so a lot of people said um the same thing, like the brain fog, so annoying, because it is really one of the most annoying things, but there were some interesting things that I've never heard of. Okay, so one person said that her feet sweat all the time in perimenopause, and I thought that was so interesting. I'd never heard that before. So, like her feet were you know normal, sweaty, whatever before perimenopause, and then normal sweaty feet. Yeah, like just sweaty all the time in perimenopause, like need to change her socks multiple times a day. Isn't that crazy? It's just a weird, it's weird. Like, why? Why? What are those hormones doing that are making feet sweaty? But I I wonder, was she spared the full body hot flash? Was it just her foot flash? I don't know. I will follow up. I won't ask her this. Curious. We'll come back to that. But that's crazy. But HRT did really help her with that. Okay. So there's hope. Itchy ears. I've heard of this with a few people, and I have a friend that has itchy inner ears. Inside the ears are itchy. I've I've heard of this before. I didn't know anyone that had it. What is that? Why? Why what is that? What is why are what is the ear doing? I don't understand. It's just tired. It's like I've been listening to everybody whine at me for 25 years. Like, how are the hormones freaking ears itchy? Okay, and this one I thought was really funny. I'm just gonna um read this sentence, ready? Okay. Um, I lost a pound of ham for eight hours. I found it in the junk drawer. That's my favorite. How amazing is that? Loss of it. How big is your junk drawer? That's what I'm amazing.

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Yeah.

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That's incredible. I have actually found things in the fridge that were not supposed to go in the fridge. I've had like that opposite of like, oh, yeah. Not my phone, but like I put this in the fridge. That's where it is. Yeah. Yeah, I've done a couple, yeah. I've done a couple of whoopsies like that. Um, but a pound of ham and a junk draw isn't it. That's good. That's really funny. I like that one. That's really funny. I'm sure she didn't like it when it happened, but no, but hopefully you can look back and laugh on that one. Yeah. So we touched on a lot of good reasons to be angry, perimenopause crap. I mean, it's kind of like an overarching theme of this podcast cast because so much of what we're talking about parenting, midlife, existential stuff, identity, all of that is happening while we are in this period where we're going through this hormonal shift. Right. You know, and we're all going through it. Yeah. So why are we not talking about it? It's just we need to talk about it. We need to laugh about it, we need to get mad about it, we need to get people taking us seriously, and we just need to know that we're not alone, and that's a big reason that we're having these conversations. Absolutely. So we don't feel like we are the only person that is putting a ham in a junk drawer and not knowing the word door. Yeah, I mean, and as and apart from just feeling better about yourself, like I'm so glad that you're also losing your phone all the time. Yeah, made me so happy to hear it is all the time. But I think that will empower us all to advocate for ourselves a little better. Yes, too. Exactly. That's I mean, that's the thing because doctors and a lot of people are not really giving us a lot of thought, money, time. We have to advocate for ourselves so we can get the care that we really deserve. Absolutely. Yeah. So thank you for listening. Please send this podcast along to your friend who also walked into Target and forgot why she was there. Subscribe, like us, do all the things, and we will be talking to you soon. Bye.